


Against All Odds

by Milady29



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Matthew Casey, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Romance, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-08-06 10:21:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 34,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16386086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milady29/pseuds/Milady29
Summary: Matthew Casey and Kelly Severide are trying to establish their relationship, building up from the ruins that were left in Matt's life. But when their lives get turned upside down after a bad call, they need to fight against all odds for each other.





	1. The Fight

**Author's Note:**

> Here is a new Sevasey story I have been working on for a while. As one of my ongoing stories is almost done, I wanted to publish the first chapter to see what you think and if you are interested in this story! Hopefully you will enjoy this chapter and please let me know what you think at the end!

Waking up with a loud groan, Kelly looked as Matt opened his eyes as well. Kissing him immediately Matt laughed.

''Kel-''

''Good morning babe.''

''Can we stay in bed a bit longer.'' Matt yawned, crawling closer against him.

''I don't mind, but I don't think Boden and your client will be too happy.'' Kelly smiled, kissing him on his forehead.

''Right, I get to so some plumbing and tiling today – on and place a toilet.'' Matt said with little excitement and Kelly laughed.

''Every Chicagoan deserves a working toilet – that should've been your slogan when you ran for alderman.'' Kelly teased Matt and he laughed.

''True.''

Getting up from the bed, Kelly was the first shower as Matt went over the list of supplies he had to get on the way to his construction job. Following soon, Kelly couldn't keep his eyes of him.

Looking as Matt was getting changed, he was still worried since he had lost so much weight. The last year had not been easy for him, an Kelly honestly couldn't stop worrying about him.

Walking to the kitchen together for breakfast, Kelly was glad they had moved here together two months ago. It felt like he could make sure a bit better if Matt was okay, even though they spend more time apart now Matt had left the firehouse about five months ago.

Their relationship hadn't been pink clouds and happiness from the beginning. When he and Matt had started hanging out more in the romantic sense, Casey's life was a mess. He was barely taking care of himself outside of the shifts, and Kelly was still scared about Casey being depressed since he seemed to be pulling out of most people's lives.

He knew that he got too concerned and coddle his boyfriend too much, but he was so scared of Matt falling into that deep dark hole again. After the divorce, he had shown up for shift less and less as well, hurt by the memories of his marriage in the firehouse. Thinking back, it was no surprise he had left the firehouse as soon as he and Kelly got in trouble over their relationship.

''Are you going to do anything after construction tonight?'' Kelly asked as Matt was pouring some oatmeal in a bowl.

''Not really, probably just watch some TV.'' Matt shrugged.

''It's a Friday night Matt- you should go out and live a little.'' Kelly told him as he looked at him pouring the milk and putting the bowl in the microwave. Matt had barely left the house beside of his construction jobs and he was getting concerned.

''Nah, we can do something fun tomorrow, together.'' Matt said turned around, smiling at Kelly.

''Matt, I really think you should get out more. You only leave the house to do construction work and you never see anybody anymore beside me.'' Kelly said concerned as he grabbed some toast for breakfast.

''I am fine, Kelly. I don't really need anybody beside you.'' He smiled, carefully lifting the bowl from the microwave.

''I just worry you might get lonely now that you don't really see the firehouse peeps anymore and don't go out with other friends.'' Kelly admitted.

''I did it for us, Kelly. I gave up my career so we can be together.'' Matt said hurt.

''I know – but I feel you are relying too much on me. That you get lonely when I am shift.'' Kelly said concerned.

''I mean, I guess I could go out more – but I did this for us!'' Matt got a bit upset now.

''I never asked you to.'' Kelly said, feeling like he was to blame for Matt having to give up his career, while he had never chosen for it.

''What!? I know you didn't ask me too, but you rather not be together.'' Matt grabbed his bag, leaving his breakfast.

''I could have moved houses, or work at the academy. You did it without talking to me, and now you are doing nothing much with your life.'' Kelly said, immediately regretting it.

''I do nothing with my life?! Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I am just really happy being with you and working construction jobs? That I am not really ready to let anybody new into my life. Is my life as it is not enough for you?'' Matt frowned, swinging his bag over his shoulder.

''I just worry-''

''Bye Kelly.'' Matt said upset as he gave Kelly a quick kiss on his temple, walking towards the door then.

''Matt, just talk to me.''

''I just did, but you just need to make sure I do everything your way again, don't you?'' Matt said upset as he grabbed his jacket by the door.

''Why you have to be so stubborn, I am just trying to make sure you are happy! I don't want to see you miserable again!'' Kelly shouted angry at him.

''Whatever!'' Matt said upset as he grabbed the door. Kelly was luring at him, over the breakfast bar. He felt guilty that Matt had given up his career to be together with him. He had never asked them too, but when the CFD had made a problem of them working in the same house and being in a relationship, Matt had resigned before Kelly could do so.

Kelly had wanted to do it, knowing how much is career meant to Matt, but before he could Matt had already done it, since he didn't want the same to happen for Kelly. Kelly had told him to look at moving to another house, but Casey said there was nothing available for him, and told him he might focus more on his construction company.

Matt looked at Kelly as well, angry. Since the beginning of their relationship, as Kelly had picked him up from the lowest point in his life, he had always tried to take care of everything in Matts life, and decide everything for them. Besides that, the divorce from Gabby had hit him hard, and even though he missed the busy days at the firehouse, he had felt good the last few months just getting some peace of mind and getting away from a lot of those memories.

Matt swung the door shut behind him and as Kelly got up and walked to the door, he already heard the front door of their apartment complex, soon followed by the loud sound of Matt's truck starting.

Soon he left to shift as well. After lunch and no calls so far, he sat down in his office, figuring Matt was maybe having a break as well during his construction job. Dialing his number, he hoped Matt would take his phone, and they could talk a bit about this morning. He felt horrible about their fight, and knew he maybe shouldn't have pushed it so much.

''Hey.'' Kelly said as Matt took of the phone.

''Kelly, I am really in no mood to talk to you.'' Matt answered the phone.

''Listen to me please, I just want you to know I love you, and want you to be happy, and if there is anything I can do to help with you that, I want you to tell me-''

Realizing Matt had hung up, he tossed his phone on his bed, so frustrated and angry with his boyfriend.

Grabbing his phone again, he sent Matt a text about talking tomorrow, and that he loved him.

Sitting finishing a report on his desk, he checked his phone every few minutes in the hopes that Matt had replied, but nothing so far. Trying to call again, Matt was not taking off his phone.

He felt so angry and helpless. Especially when Matt was pushing him out of his life. He wanted to send another text, when the alarms went off.

''Ambo 61 - truck 81 – Squad 3 – multiple car collision at 2nd and 6th street.''

Dropping his phone and jumping up, he rushed to his truck. He would try again with Matt when he came back from this call. They rushed to the scene, Tony careful as there were emergency vehicles joining their road from multiple sides.

''Must be a big one.'' Kelly said concerned as there were so many emergency vehicles called.

As soon as they reached the scene though, Boden told Kelly on the radio to turn back.

''No chief, we already arrived.'' He said as they parked the truck near the pile up and he jumped out. The badly scene was lit with the ambulance headlights, as well as some of the cars that were a part of the crash. There was debris from cars everywhere, and looked as more trucks and ambulances arrived. There were multiple cars on their side, smoke everywhere and at least seven cars were involved.

''Kelly you can't go there!'' Chief Boden came walking towards him as soon as he spotted him.

''What?'' Kelly said, wanting to walk there, but the chief pushed him back. Kelly tried to push past him, but the chief was so much taller and stronger than him, he was pushed back again. Some of the engine guys looked worried at him as well.

''No, Kelly, I can't let you enter the scene.'' Boden said concerned.

Looking over his shoulder, he noticed the all too familiar white, stickered, truck on its side, amidst the rest of the broken, mangled, cars, - only lit by the lit by the red and blue lights of all the emergency vehicles. In the dim red and blue lights, the M. Casey construction company sticker glistened.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading the first chapter and all your response! I was not going to update this story this quick, but because of all the response I didn't want to keep you waiting! Hopefully you will enjoy this chapter.

''Kelly, listen to me. I can't let you get involved there.'' Boden told him as Kelly spotted the truck. The last thing he wanted was for Kelly to be there as it was a bad crash, and Matt was not in good shape.

''Matt!'' he tried to push past the strong chief, but Tony and Capp came to help now as well.

''We will get him out of there Kelly – there is nothing you can do now.'' The chief tried to talk some sense into him. Over his shoulder, he saw the EMT's and firefighters working near the ravaged truck. He looked as they carefully lifted Matt out, with the utmost care.

''No, no I need to be there!'' He still tried to push his way towards the mangled truck. Trying to push through once more, Boden stepped out in front of him again. Rage and worries took over and before he knew it, he laid a punch on Boden's jaw, finally breaking through the line of concerned men and he rushed towards the scene as fast as he could.

Jumping over the hood of one of the other cars, he finally noticed two EMT's knelt on the ground. Knelt down by his Matt. It was hard to see his face, bloodied from cuts as they laid him on the ground, a neck collar already in place.

''Matt!''

''Get him out of here!'' the EMT said as the Tony, Capp and Boden came running his way. He looked as they started cutting open his shirt and putting the pads on his chest.

''he has no pulse!?'' Kelly asked panicked, the EMT's ignoring him as Boden tugged his arm.

''Back off Kelly!'' The chief told him, furious.

''Matt!'' Kelly cried, looking as the EMT's pushed epi and started to shock him.

Boden grabbed his arm, wanting to take him away from the scene to let the paramedics work, but Kelly didn't move.

''Kelly, you need to let the paramedics work!'' Boden told him furious. Tears welled up in his eyes as they shocked Matt once, twice, but the monitor was showing no difference.

''Chief I am so sorry.'' Kelly just panicking, the chief holding him as he looked away from Matt, so scared to see the person he loved the most die.

''We got a pulse!'' The paramedic said as they started to put him on a backboard. Pulling free from Boden again, the chief just looked at him.

''I need to be with him.'' Kelly said, tears in his eyes as he looked at the chief. No longer caring about the repercussions that could come from this, he walked to the paramedics and soon he was handed the ambu bag, pushing air.

''Lieutenant –'' Capp came walking his way.

''I am going with him, I will probably lose my job anyway.'' He told Capp as he rushed with the paramedics, pushing the ambu bag. The monitor was showing his heartrate had stabilized, but the paramedic did not seem to certain.

''We are bringing the first victim in of the accident on 2nd street – male, early 30s, possible spinal trauma, possible head trauma, currently has a pulse but we lost him on the scene.'' The paramedic driving said over the radio as they started driving.

Kelly listened to the paramedic, every word making his heart sink a little. Looking down at his Matt, tears filled his eyes.

As soon as they arrived at the hospital, Kelly was told to let go from the ambu bag as the hospital staff took over.

''His name is Matthew Casey, he has a history with a head injury!'' Kelly shouted after them.

Pushed back other staff, he had no choice but sit down in the waiting room, his whole body shaking.

Soon a doctor came to bring him Matt's stuff, only a watch and his wallet. He figured that most of clothes had been cut off him and before he could ask something, the doctor handed him a clipboard with papers for him to sign that his medical history was accurate. He wanted to read them, but was told to hurry up.

''What are you going to do?'' Kelly asked concerned, just checking quickly if the head injury was listed.

''He is currently undergoing a CT scan, as we think he might have a head injury – he was unresponsive when we tested him – we need to take him into surgery because he is bleeding internally, but we are not sure what.''

''It's bad, isn't it?'' Kelly asked as he signed the papers.

''I can't say-''

''Just be honest with me.'' Kelly begged him.

''It's bad.'' The doctor admitted, taking the papers and running back towards the double doors.

Kelly tried to stay strong, but before he could stop it, he started to sob, thinking the last thing he and Matt might have ever talked about what, was a stupid fight.

* * *

 

Sitting in the waiting room, holding all of Matt's stuff he had gotten from the doctors, he waited impatiently. Hoping he could laugh later with Matt about his favorite sweater was cut up on the scene and how he would get a new one for Christmas in a few months, he just hoped everything would be okay.

Around 3 am, almost 9 hours after the accident, Capp and some of the others from the firehouse came to see him. They looked exhausted, probably as it had been such a giant scene it had taken them a long time, but now they were here for Kelly. Even though they knew, they didn't care about what happened between him and Boden.

''Heard anything yet?'' Herrmann asked. Even though their chief was furious with Kelly, they just felt sorry for the lieutenant. Nobody wanted to arrive at the scene of a loved one and even though Kelly had been out of line, they hoped this could be resolved.

''No.''

''I just spoke to the police, said it was a drunk driver that hit Casey, and his truck plowed into the other two cars. The driver survived, but is also injured, as well as four other people. But it was not Casey's fault. Is he going to be okay?'' Capp sat down beside him, concerned.

''I don't know, it's been hours.'' Kelly admitted, although he had lost track of how many hours had passed already.

''In the ambulance they mentioned he might have spinal or head trauma.'' He added concerned.

''He is going to be fine, he is a tough one.'' Herrmann tried to comfort him. Soon, after almost twelve hours of waiting and the sun rising again, relief finally came as a doctor came to talk to him. Walking to a more private, empty area, he stood across from the doctor.

''Is he okay – it took so long?''

''It took us a long time to stabilize him. He was bleeding internally and we had to take him into surgery. He is going to recover from that though.'' Sighing relieved, Kelly realized that couldn't be it.

''He is going to recover from this so what-''

The doctor sat Kelly down.

''He has a severe concussion, and his brain is swollen. He is not responsive to most of our tests, and we are worried he may have permanent brain damage. It is going to be really touch and go.''

Kelly's heart sunk, knowing that a head injury with Casey's history wasn't good news.

''We found fractures in his neck and his back. We stabilized his back and neck – I am not going to lie, it was a dangerous surgery, but the MRI showed there was minimal damage to the spinal cord, but it is going to be a long recovery, and we can't guarantee it is a full recovery.''

Kelly was silent, letting everything sink in.

''We are keeping him in a medical induced coma until the swelling in his brains goes down, and we get a better picture of the damage it has done, but since he was already unresponsive coming in, I cannot guarantee he will wake up.''

''So – he might die?'' Kelly finally managed to the words out of his mouth.

''His body sustained a big blow, and given his history he is very lucky he didn't suffer a stroke or another hematoma. He might make a full recovery, but you need to prepare yourself for the worst. He might fully recover, but he might also never wake up, or wake up a changed man.'' The doctor said, feeling so sorry for the man across from him.

''No, he can't die – we had a fight and I haven't even said I was sorry.'' Kelly started rambling, the doctor laying his hand on Kelly's shoulder.

''He is in the ICU, if you like you can go and see him?'' He calmed Kelly down.

''Yes please.''

A few minutes later, he was let to a small, private room in the ICU. Matt was on the bed, his upper body covered with cables, dressings and tubes. It was hard to see his face under the breathing tube and various other tubes – there were some dressing on his face as well to cover the cuts. He was in a full neck brace and a nurse was tending to him, leaving the room as they walked in.

''Shit.'' Was all Kelly managed to mumble.

''Today and tonight is going to be critical, because his brain could swell even more. You should stay with him.'' The doctor told him and Kelly nodded, shocked that Matt was in such bad shape he shouldn't even leave his side. Pulling a chair by his bedside, he carefully sat down by Matt. The doctor left the room and he touched Matt's hand for a second. Even though he knew Matt wouldn't feel it, he took his right hand and held it. It almost felt like a lifeline for him.

''I need you to be okay, alright?'' Kelly said softly as he caressed his hand. ''So you better not kick the bucket before I can apologize to you.''

At first he laughed a little to keep from crying, trying to stay strong, but soon he was bawling. Holding Matt's hand against his face, he tried to stop crying, but every time he thought he was okay, more tears kept coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much reading! Hopefully you find the time let me know what you by leaving a comment and hopefully till next chapter! :)


	3. Suspension

Matt pulled through the first scary night with no hitches.

Kelly didn't move from his side even for a minute. Even though there was nothing he could do and Matt wouldn't wake up, the last thing he wanted was to go home to an empty house. Following the night, he spend most of the night asleep in a chair by his bed. He didn't let go of his hand even once. Only when Matt had made it through the first 48 hours, he had dared to go home to have a nap and a shower.

Four days after the accident, they had wanted to do a scan to see if the swelling in his brain was going down, but because of the iron rod in his neck they hadn't dared to do it as Matt was barely stable. They would try the next few days, but were not sure if they would be able to get a clear picture on the CT scan.

Herrmann came by to check on Kelly every now and then. As Matt was not allowed visitors yet, he had not been in the room, but Kelly appreciated Herrmann coming to check on him.

Kelly hated going home at night to sleep. He rather spend every waking moment by his boyfriend's side, especially since the house was so quiet and empty. He hated to be home now. Every time he walked into the kitchen, he thought back about Matt walking out of the door, angry with him the morning of the accident.

He barely slept at night, constantly missing Matt beside him. It was cold and lonely and he felt horrible not being by Matt's side, so there barely was a waking moment he was not in Matt's room in the ICU.

A full week after the accident, Kelly had the scare of a lifetime. Walking into the room where Matt had been the last few days, his boyfriend was gone. Turning around to run to the staff, he almost busted through the glass door, one of the nurses rushing his way.

''Where is he?'' Kelly asked scared.

''We took him for a CT scan before it gets crowded.'' The nurse answered him, feeling sorry that the man looked so scared.

''Oh okay.'' Kelly sighed relieved.

Nervous he waited for Matt to come back. Later that night, his neurologist came walking in.

''The scan today was a bit distorted by the metal in his neck, but we managed to get a clean scan once.'' The doctor explained as he sat next to Kelly.

''But it's good news right?'' Kelly asked worried for what was going to come.

''The swelling in his brain is going down, but these small lessons show minor brain damage.'' The doctor pointed out at Kelly.

''What does it mean?'' Kelly asked worried. Although they were only some specks on the scan, he knew the effects could be severe.

''For now it looks better than we anticipated. These are minor specks of damage, but we won't know exactly how they affect him until he wakes up. These are in the area of the brain that handles the memory, and these are in the area that affect motor skills.''

Kelly nodded. It was good to hear that it looked better than expected, and it gave him some hope for how Matt would be when he woke up.

''I know it may not sound great, but this is good news, Kelly.''

''Thank you doctor.'' Kelly said and he meant it. The staff had been great with him, explaining him everything and he knew Matt was lucky with the team that was working on his case.

''My door is always open if you have any questions.''

''Thank you.'' Kelly said.

Two days later, the doctors told him they were lowering the medication that was keeping him asleep. The doctors said that Matt was more responsive than when he came in, but warned Kelly it wasn't sure in what shape he would wake up.

Kelly had been at the CFD headquarters today. Boden had not filed a report against him, but when Kelly had tried to talk to him, Boden had told him he expected him in the firehouse in a weeks' time.

Herrmann came to see Kelly, politely waiting on the hallway.

Kelly greeted him, walking out of Matt's room and sitting down on a bench on the hallway with Herrmann.

''Have you heard anything from Herrmann? I have tried to call him.'' Kelly asked straight away. He had tried to call and apologize, but didn't seem to be able to reach Boden.

''Me and Boden are working on your case, don't worry about it.'' Herrmann asked, Kelly looking tired and beat down with everything going on.

''How are you doing?'' Herrmann asked concerned.

''Doctors say that he is triggering the ventilator by breathing on his own and that is a good sign.'' Kelly tried to be positive.

''I was asking how you were doing Kelly.'' Herrmann pointed out compassionate.

''Oh. I am alright I guess, I just need Matt to be okay.'' Kelly sighed. Herrmann sat by him, not sure what to say.

''Heard that drunk driver left the hospital today. Doesn't seem fair.'' Herrmann said.

''That isn't fair.'' Kelly agreed with Herrmann as they looked at Matt through the glass wall.

 

* * *

 

Walking into the hospital a week later - two weeks and two days after the accident, Kelly was still yawning as it was so early. He had to go to the firehouse today to talk with Boden, but wanted to see Matt before going there.

Matt had been off the medication and should be waking up soon, but the past few days had not been too hopeful.

He had barely made it to the ICU before the nurse practitioner that had been spending a lot of time on Matt's case came rushing his way.

''Hey Kelly, you should see this.'' The nurse – Brienne - that had been here almost every day looking after Matt waved him to come into Matt's room. Quickly Kelly followed her.

''When I came to check on his vitals last night, I heard him moaning.'' She told him as Kelly moved a bit closer.

Taking a pen from the pocket on her scrubs, she pressed it against the nailbed of his uncasted hand. Kelly looked surprised when Matt pulled his arm sideways.

''Oh Matt – can you hear me?!'' Kelly asked as he grabbed his hand, kissing it.

''He is still not fully awake nor aware, but this is really hopeful. Give him some time still, he has been through a lot.'' Brienne told him, Kelly nodding understanding.

''Thank you so much for caring so good for him. I know it's your job but you have made these shit days a lot better.'' Kelly sighed relieved.

''You are welcome, I am glad he is on his road to recovery. It's going to be touch, but he is lucky to have you.'' She told Kelly, Kelly nodding appreciative.

She left him alone in the room and Kelly was still holding his hand.

''Hey, I am right here. I am right here with you.'' Kelly said softly, kissing him on his hand.

Soon, he had to leave to go to the firehouse, and nervous he walked into Boden's office.

''Chief, I am so sorry-''

''Lieutenant Severide, you are suspended for 6 weeks, full salary.'' Boden said without looking up.

'What? No! You can't do that, I can do double shifts to make up fo-''

''I am not bargaining over it Kelly.'' Boden told him. ''Go back to Matt. I will see you in six weeks.''

Kelly wanted to object, but just nodded as he started to walk out of the firehouse, steaming. The last thing he could use was an investigation while he was going through all of this with Matt. Herrmann was following him out of the firehouse.

Before he could say anything, Kelly drove off, back to the hospital.

Later that night, there was a knock on the glass and looking back, Kelly saw Boden standing there, waiting for him.

''Hey.'' Kelly greeted him as he came walking from the room, Boden looking at Matt.

''How is he?''

''Waking up, slowly. Will need to see how he is when he wakes up.'' Kelly explained to Boden.

''That is good to hear. Kelly, please don't be mad with me, but we did this for you.'' Boden said as they sat down.

''What?''

''I had Herrmann object my claim you hit me so that an investigation would be launched. They put you on suspension for the investigation, but don't cancel your pay as nothing was proven. I am sorry about going behind your back but I couldn't let the CFD think we were scheming.'' Boden explained.

''Thank you so much chief, this means the world to me.'' Kelly sighed relieved, feeling not so alone for the first time since the accident.

''Near the end of the investigation we will just have 'm let go of the claim, but it lets you be by Matt's side of the next weeks.'' Boden said compassionate. Kelly had been told that since he and Matt weren't family nor spouses, the chance he would get a lot of paid time off was slim.

''I need to get back to the firehouse, you take care Kelly.'' Boden said, laying his hand on Kelly's shoulder.

Relieved, Kelly walked back into Matt's hospital room. After this morning, he decided to stay with Matt through the night, in case he woke up a bit more.

''I know I am going to be okay, but I really need you to be okay as well.'' Kelly said softly, holding Matt's hand still. Kissing him on his forehead, he looked surprised, pretty sure he had heard Matt as well. Holding him close, he just hoped that Matt would really wake up soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter! I hope you enjoyed this one, hope you didn't mind some time jumps. Thank you so much for reading. I'd love to know what you think so please leave a comment. Hopefully till next chapter!


	4. Kel?

Kelly was there first thing in the morning and looked as the hospital staff removed the breathing tube.

''He did really well through the night – hopefully we will get a better look at the impact on his brain today.'' Brienne told Kelly as she took his vitals.

''Is there anything I can do?'' Kelly asked.

''Not really now, maybe you can take some of his stuff from home later? He will have to stay a while, so you might want to bring his own clothes.''

''I will.'' Kelly promised, caressing Matt's hand on the bed. He felt so helpless. He wanted to help Matt with all the love in the world, but he couldn't do anything to make him better. He didn't move away from the blondes side for a minute though and one of the nurses walked in after a few hours, bringing him a cup of water.

''Are you okay?'' She checked with him.

''I just want to help him but I don't know how.'' Kelly admitted, his voice breaking.

''You are doing enough being here for him. Really.'' The nurse tried to make him feel better.

Later that night, Matt finally showed some signs of being a bit more aware what was going on around him. Even though he opened his eyes for a second, he seemed fully out of it. Kelly kissed him on his forehead as his eyes fell shut again. Even though it was late and he was tired, he stayed by Matt's bedside, Caressing his hand keeping his eye out for Matt waking up any more. Just after midnight, his eyes fluttered open again and he caught Kelly's eye.

''Hey baby.'' Kelly mumbled softly, kissing him on his forehead again. Matt seemed to want to say something, but lost the battle to his drowsiness again. Kelly fell asleep soon as well in the chair beside his bed, not letting go of his hand. Waking up before the sun was even op again, he walked around the room for a bit, his back hurting from the chair.

Not much had changed for Matt, even though the nurses had probably come to move him a bit, as he his legs had moved. Not even having woken up from it, Kelly knew he should probably go home and change, but he did not want to leave Matt alone.

Kelly stayed with Matt the whole day still. Matt was still in and out of consciousness. Kelly just hoped he was not in too much pain, but the doctors assured him that they were taking good care of him. He looked as the doctor came to check up on the surgical wound on his abdomen. It had healed up nicely after almost three weeks and the doctors said it was of no more concern.

Matt woke up again and looked stressed as he looked around the room and Kelly got up, kissing him on his forehead.

''Matt-you are going to be okay, it's going to be okay.'' He calmed his boyfriend down, Matt's eyes falling closed again. He opened them a few minutes later again as Kelly was caressing his hand.

''You got hit by a drunk driver, you are going to be fine though.'' Kelly said softly, Matt closing his eyes for a second, looking back at Kelly now.

''I love you so much, I am really glad that you are going to be okay.'' Kelly said. Even though it was in the back of his mind Matt might not come back from this well, he wanted to believe.

''You had a head injury, but you are healing up – you also broke your neck and back but they repaired it in surgery and you should be fine.'' Kelly tried to calm him down. Even though he knew the outlook for Matt wasn't great, he wanted to stay positive.

His hand was shaking and Kelly barely felt any power in his hand.

''Just take it easy, you have been through a lot.''

Tired, Matt just gave up and fell back asleep.

Kelly sat with him through the night. Every now and then Matt woke up, but usually didn't last past a few more minutes. In the morning, he started to get tired as well, and even the nurses told him to go home and catch a few hours of rest.

Coming back after lunch, Matt was awake again. He gave Kelly a small smile as Kelly walked his way, kissing him on his forehead.

''You can't imagine how glad I am to see you awake.'' Kelly sat as he carefully sat down on the bed, caressing the side of Matt's face.

''Kel?'' Matt mumbled softly and Kelly was so glad to hear him speak again.

''Yeah, I am right here.'' Kelly said, Matt smiling just a bit before his eyes fell shut again.

 

* * *

 

Over the next few days, Matt started talking a bit more to Kelly. Usually just a few words at the time, and sometimes barely cohesive. Sometimes they didn't make sense at all. The neurologist had ran some tests with him, and it seemed a lot of his cognitive skills were not affected.

One morning he asked Kelly where his dad was, only to fall asleep again straight after. Kelly blamed it on all the painkillers he was on because of his back and neck. He didn't mention his dad again.

One afternoon a doctor came into the room to tell him he would get to leave the ICU soon. As soon as he left the room, Matt asked why he was here again, and Kelly explained it to him again. His memory seemed to be affected, and the doctors were not sure to what degree. Matt looked upset and Kelly just tried to get his mind off it as soon as possible.

The following day, the doctor came walking as Kelly was sitting by Matt's bedside again, Matt wiped out after a short session of physical therapy this morning, in which he had done nothing but lay there as the man moved his weak limbs.

''I wanted to run a memory test.''

''I don't think he okay, he keeps forgetting things I told him, or things from before the accident.''

''It may just be temporarily.'' The doctor tried to calm Kelly's worries.

As Kelly looked as the doctor left the room, Matt opened his eyes a bit too quickly to have been asleep.

''You were listening.'' Kelly asked, Matt looking a bit guilty.

''Yes'' Matt admitted. ''Sorry I keep forget-''

''Don't worry, I know you will be okay.'' Kelly promised him.

* * *

 

Matt got more and more frustrated and annoyed now that the painkillers had him in less of a haze, and he realized how bad his memory was. He was recalling some things from right before the accident, like his construction job. But often he forgot the things Kelly and the staff told him.

The pain in his back and neck made him cranky now that he was awake and aware, and it was hard for even Kelly to not get upset with him as he was lashing out at everyone around him.

Matt hadn't always in the best moods since the divorce, but it was hard to deal with him right now.

Kelly walked towards his room again, Looking through the glass windows as Matt was laying on his side, Brienne removing the dressings on his back and neck. Slowly walking into the room, Matt tried to look up, wincing.

''You need to lay still Matt, don't want to hurt your neck.'' Brienne told him, finishing up removing the dressings and closing the back and neck brace again.

''Your surgical wounds healed well.'' She smiled, helping him back on his back together with Kelly, putting the bed up a bit.

''If you want we can try and get you dressed in something else than this gown?'' She offered.

''No, just the gown is fine.'' Matt said a lot ruder than Kelly liked to hear and he stood by the bed, not sure what to do as Brienne helped him get into the gown. Making sure he was alright, she left the room then. Absent minded, Matt was staring at the wall, looking upset and angry.

''Matt.'' Kelly wanted to him to come to his senses, but Matt was so angry and frustrated he wasn't even listening to him.

''She is just trying to do her job, she has been looking after you're from the day you came here.''

Kelly felt a bit hurt, seeing Matt behave like this. He knew it probably was the pain, or his scrambled brains, but he hated to see him like this.

''Why are you still here.'' Matt mumbled then. ''You should just walk out on me, like Gabby did, like my mum did, like everybody does.''

''Matt, I am not going anywhere, I promise.'' Kelly told him, taking his hand. ''I know things are hard with the pain, and your memory letting you down, but please don't act like this, it is hard to see you like this.'' Kelly said as he sat down on the edge of the bed, trying to make eye contact with Matt, whom was still looking off in the distance.

''I love you, and I am so grateful you pulled through – I know it is not easy and not going to be easy, but I need you to be okay, alright?''

''I don't know Kel.'' Matt mumbled, tired, weary. Sad, Kelly kissed him on his forehead, not sure what to do or say anymore. Looking as Matt fell asleep, he hoped they would be able to get through this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! Thank you so much for reading. There is a ton more coming up although I am rushing a bit through these first few weeks of Matt's recovery, as there is not a whole lot hapening, but that will change next chapter! *evil grin* I hope you do enjoy the story! Please let me know what you thought and hopefully till next chapter!


	5. Fluffy Socks

After almost 4 weeks in the ICU, he was finally moved to general care. It didn’t mean much, as Matt was still not able to do much and he wasn’t able to fight the painkillers for long before he fell back asleep again most of the time. But he was stable, and if Kelly had to believe the doctors, he was also on the road to recovery.

As Kelly was suspended, it became harder to justify not being with Matt every waking hour. He wanted to be by his side, but it was so hard to see Matt like this. Every time Kelly went into his room, it was like tension was rising between them again, and most of the time Kelly left upset. Matt lashed out at him, the nurses and anybody that came remotely near him.

Matt had finally talked Kelly into coming to the hospital a bit later, feeling a bit embarrassed about Kelly being there while the nurses washed and dressed him. He still refused them to spend enough time with him to dress him in his own clothes, instead still dressed in a gown. He hated them looking after him, and rather have them out of his room as soon as possible.

After that, the therapist came to see him, helping him move his limbs. As movement had not come back really since the coma, he couldn’t do much but lay there. Besides, the neck and back brace caused that he was not able to do much anyway.

Kelly came by then usually, sitting with him till late in the evening. Matt slept in-between but they talked between the naps.

Now that he was in the general care unit, Kelly was no longer the only one visiting him. Christie had come by with Violet for about an hour, Violet talking to Matt for about an hour before he fell asleep, too tired to say much in response. Herrmann and Boden had also wanted to come by, but Matt had said he didn’t want them so see them like this.

Kelly didn’t like him closing off to the people that cared about him, but he could see why honestly. Matt looked terrible, tired and weak. His face was sunken and his body frail. He had lost even more weight than he did before his accident and even Kelly was concerned. They still had him on the feeding tube, but his healing body was burning more fuel than it got. The doctor said his wrist was looking well and they could probably remove the cast in a week.

Around dinner time, a nurse came in, offering some Jell-O and broth to Matt.

‘’If you like you can try to eat something, we can build up getting you on solids.’’

‘’No.’’ Matt said stern.

‘’Matt, it will be good for you-‘’ Kelly wanted to persuade him, but knew there was no way he was going to get Matt to agree to it.

‘’No.’’ Matt just said again, the nurse leaving and Kelly looked a bit concerned at Matt.

‘’It would be good for you.’’

‘’I don’t want you feeding me.’’ Matt just mumbled.

‘’You need to eat though soon, you are losing weight quickly.’’ Kelly said concerned.

‘’That’s just muscle mass.’’

‘’That is a crap excuse.’’ Kelly confronted him.

‘’It’s true, the therapist said so.’’ Matt yawned.

‘’Alright then, I am just worried about you.’’ Kelly said, holding his hand.

‘’I know, thank you. For being here and putting up with me.’’

Kelly felt Matt pinching his hand just a little bit and smiled back at him. Sharing a kiss, Kelly moved the railing of his bed down, carefully laying on the edge, close to his Matt.  

 

* * *

 

The next day he took some new stuff for Matt. He had brought some new socks fresh socks for him as well as some more shirts for when he would finally allowed the nurses to get him changed in something else.

‘’I got you some new stuff.’’ Kelly said as he walked into the room, kissing Matt.

‘’You didn’t have to do that.’’ Matt said, but he smiled appreciative.

‘’Glad I can finally do something for you. Brought some shirts and hoodies as well, for when you feel up for it!’’

‘’It’s gonna be hard with that back brace.’’ Matt said.

‘’I bought them a size up. Plus that brace won’t be forever.’’

‘’It will be for a while according to the docs.’’ Matt let Kelly help him sit up a bit more.

‘’Want me to put these socks on?’’ Kelly held up the warm fluffy socks he had bought, Matt chuckling for a second.

‘’My feet are a bit cold.’’ Matt admitted and Kelly walked to the end of the bed, untucking the blanket and carefully slipping the brand new socks over his boyfriend’s feet.

‘’Maybe we can try and get you into some of the clothes I took tomorrow? I can help the nurse –‘’

‘’No.’’ Matt just answered, his mood turning around again.

‘’Alright, just offering.’’ Kelly said as the tucked the blanket in at the back of the bed again. Sitting down again, he wanted to take the remote to switch on the TV to watch something together, but Matt told him to go home if he wanted to watch TV.

‘’What the hell is wrong you?!’’ Kelly finally burst out.

‘’Take a guess. Maybe it’s my neck, maybe my head, maybe you trying to get all up in my business.’’ Matt snarked back at him and Kelly got up from the chair.

‘’I am sorry about what happened, and I am trying my best to make you feel good, what else do you want me to do?’’

‘’I want you to leave.’’ Matt answered.

‘’Fine!’’ Kelly said annoyed, grabbing his jacket and tossing the remote on Matt’s lap.

‘’Maybe tomorrow you can actually treat me like you give a shit about me.’’ Kelly told Matt as he walked towards the door.

‘’Don’t want you to come to-‘’

Before Matt could finish his sentence Kelly hit the door closed on his way out. Miserable, Matt tried to move the remote from his lap. But his hand and arm that were not in the cast did not want to cooperate or moving. The doctor had told him that it was normal after having been in a coma. That all his muscles had to reactivate and he had to learn how to use them again.

It felt like his stomach was sinking, thinking of how he had been to Kelly. He didn’t want to be this mean, but frustration just got the better of him. His head was still a blurry mess, and every time he lashed out at people, the words just came out of his mouth before he could stop it.

Kelly had meant well, but he had already found that he could barely look at the TV. The brightness caused his head to throb and his vision was still blurry. The neurologist had told him they would get an optometrist for him, but he had refused.

Knowing damn well he could have easily explained it to Kelly, he felt even worse about his outburst.

 

 

* * *

 

Walking towards the hospital room that was a bit familiar after these five weeks, he looked inside through the slats. The therapist that was here every day was sitting with Matt, carefully moving his hand as Matt was looking upset, clearly not being able to do anything himself.

After his outburst of last night, Kelly really wanted to talk to him. He knew Matt couldn’t help it, but it was draining him as well.

Waiting for the therapist to leave his room, he shortly walked in after he had left. Matt looked at him, looking more sad than really upset.

‘’Didn’t I ask you to leave me alone?’’ Matt asked upset as Kelly walked to his bedside and sat down. He was glad to see Kelly, but the last thing he wanted was to lash out at him again. He had not been able to sleep all night, thinking about him and Kelly. What their recovery would mean for them.

‘’Yeah, you did – but I got suspended from work – and the house is so quiet – and I really miss you.’’ Kelly mumbled. Besides that, he knew that Matt didn’t mean it like that. He wasn’t sure how he would react if he were in Matt’s position.

‘’I really don’t want you here.’’ Matt sighed.

He did, he did want Kelly here. But he knew it was going to be a long road, and he was worried that he would make Kelly unhappy by forcing him to be here.

‘’I know you are scared Matt – shit, I am scared too – but we are going to be okay, please don’t push me out of your life.’’ Kelly begged him.

‘’You don’t need to stay with me.’’ Matt mumbled, looking away.

‘’But I want to – I know when you say these things it’s your brain misfiring and you don’t mean it.’’ Kelly told Matt, moving a bit closer to the bed. Taking Matt’s hand, slowly, he kissed the top of his hand.

‘’Kel – I don’t know if I can do this.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’Us – your recovery? What?’’

‘’All of it.’’ Matt mumbled.

‘’Matt-‘’

‘’I am really not sure Kelly. You deserve better. I can’t do this anymore’’ He admitted, his lip starting to shake.

‘’Look, we can try to work this out right? Please don’t break up with me.’’ Kelly said, tears filling his eyes now as well.

‘’I think it would be the best for us both.’’ Matt stated. It hurt him as well, but the last thing he wanted was drag Kelly down with him.

‘’Matt-‘’ Kelly’s eyes started to fill with tears.

‘’I am sorry Kelly.’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand I am so sorry as well! I promise it gets better though. I hope you don't hate me so much you don't want to read the rest of the story. Thank you so much for reading anyway and I hope you want to keep reading. Please let me know what you thought and hopefully till next time!


	6. Bourbon

Throwing his stuff in the back of his car, Kelly was soon on the road to his dads cabin. Two days ago Matt had broken up with him.

He had wanted to carry on like nothing was going on, but after one lonely day at home – he was still suspended - and ten enquires about Matt he had given up and decided to go to his dads cabin instead.

Getting in the car, he checked his phone once more. There were a ton of messages from people, but not a single sign of life from the person he actually wanted to hear from. Switching off his phone, he started driving towards the cabin. Trying to ban the break up from his mind, but very unsuccessful in doing so.

On the drive, he had the radio on, but every song reminded him of Matt. Yesterday he had still wanted to go to Matt and ask him again if they could make up, that he wanted to be with Matt. But he knew that Matt had broken up with him, and Kelly knew he had to respect that, even though he did not want to.

Arriving at the cabin, he took his bags inside.

For some reason, he had hoped that Matt would be off his mind arriving at the cabin. But he was not of his mind. His mind wandered to Matt again and he thought about calling him again. Even though he did not want to, somewhere in his mind he still hoped that Matt regretted breaking up with him, and they would be okay.

 

* * *

 

**Ten days later**

* * *

 

Matt was in his bed, sitting upright against the pillows. His right hand had been taken out of the cast a few days ago, and struggling but determined he was lifting the small weight the therapist had left for him. His arm and hand were trembling, and he barely managed to lift it up for longer than a few seconds, but it didn't stop his determination.

The last week, he had been lonely. Having said to everybody else that he didn't want to see them and dumping Kelly, there was nobody here for him anymore.

He regretted what he had said to Kelly down to every word. He had tried to text him, but every time he managed to write something after hours, he deleted it. It did just not seem right.

He was awoken from his thoughts when his neurologist came walking in.

''Lifting weights I see.''

''It's only 2 pounds.'' Matt sighed.

''Well that is 2 pounds more than you were lifting last week.'' The neurologist said encouraging as he grabbed one of chairs, sitting down by the bed.

''I guess that is true.''

''You'll get there.'' The doctor said as he sat down, looking at the newly received glasses.

''How are those for you?''

''Good, I can actually look at the TV now.'' Matt said with a small smile.

He hated them.

He hated the way they looked and he hated the way they made him look. He had tried to get through the eye exam but he couldn't get through it.

''What did Kelly say about them?''

''Nothing.''

''Where is Kelly?'' The neurologist asked him a bit concerned as his bedside had been empty for over a week now.

''He uhm – he had to go away for work.'' Matt said, not wanting to face that he was the one that had broken up with Kelly.

''Alright, well I had to speak to you alone anyway.''

''What about?''

''Matt, I know you were on antidepressants before the accident – when you came in here - and we continued them for you here since you were out of the coma. But I am going to need you to see a therapist.''

''It was because of the divorce.'' Matt explained. ''I got divorced about a year ago.''

''You don't need to tell me. I just wanted you to know that we need you to see therapist.'' The doctor said. ''I know you probably don't want to, but especially with what happened now, I want you to see one. An accident like this is not to be taken lightly and everything that changed for you, so I am going to get a therapist assigned for you.'

''Alright. Is the CT scan still up for tomorrow?'' Matt asked, trying to change the topic.

''Yeah, it is still on, hopefully the swelling on your brain is gone now and we can get a better look at the possible damage in your brain – although you seem to be doing well so far.''

''Alright.'' Matt just sighed, the doctor soon leaving.

Soon he fell asleep, only to wake up in the middle of the night again.

Trying to grab his phone from the nightstand, he stretched out his arm. His neck was aching, but finally he grabbed it. Barely any power in his fingers he tried to grab it, but it slipped down, falling from the nightstand onto the floor.

''Woops, let's hope it didn't crack.'' A nurse said, having seen him drop it and she grabbed it, placing it in his hands.

''Ít's alright, it's already busted.'' Matt just said as the nurse handed him his phone. The screen was in a dozen pieces after the accident. It was still held together by the screen protector. Kelly had promised he'd take it to a shop to get it fixed but hadn't done so yet.

Now he maybe could ask Christie. But honestly he didn't really care.

Moving the small table above his bed and placing his phone on it so he could operate it a bit easier.

She checked if he needed anything else, but Matt refused. All he wanted was to try and make the call to Kelly.

His fingers were shaking, struggling to even tap the right buttons on the screen that suddenly seemed so tiny. Holding his right hand with his left as it was so shaky, he finally managed, grabbing the phone and struggling to hold it by his ear.

His heart was racing as he listened to the short beeps, followed by another noise.

''Kel?'' Matt asked excited.

''The person you are trying to reach is currently unavailable. Please try again.'' The operator told him and upset he dropped his phone. Looking out of the window, he felt a tear streaming down his cheek.

He knew he had messed it up, so bad. He knew Kelly had no reason to come back to him. But still he hoped he would.

* * *

 

 

Kelly was tossing and turning in the bed, trying to fall asleep.

The past few days he had tried to keep his mind occupied with everything around the cabin. But laying bed, his mind wandered off to Casey. He wondered how he was doing. Even though he was hurt by the sudden break up, he cared, and he hoped that Matt was doing well.

Maybe he should have fought for them more, but he also knew that Matt was stubborn and wouldn't have bargained with him.

Getting up from the bed, knowing he was getting no shut eye anyway, Kelly walked outside to the porch of the cabin. Sitting down on the step, looking at the forest and the skies above, he couldn't shake the thought of how Matt was doing off his mind. Taking his phone from his pocket, he realized again that he had no service here. Putting it back in his pocket, he stared up at the stars.

What he wouldn't give to have Matt look at the same stars beside him. He knew damn well he was stupid for thinking that. Even if Matt had not broken up with him, Matt would still have been at the hospital, probably grumpy and annoyed by everything.

If only the drunk driver hadn't hit Matt – that would've changed it all. Even though it was not his job anymore, it would mean that they would be talking about their future, instead of court cases and rehab centers.

Looking at his phone again, he was a bit desperate looking at the signal bars, but nothing here around the cabin. Getting into his car, he drove until the first bar finally appeared.

Parking by the road, he put his car to the side. Getting out, he sat down on the hood of the car, grabbing his phone again. Even though he only had one bar of service, he hoped it was enough. Soon he sighed relieved, some texts from Herrmann, his dad and Boden.

No text from Matt though.

Even though he tried to tell himself Matt was maybe not in the state to text him, he was still disappointed.

None about a voicemail either. No sign from Matt on that front. Disappointed, he got back in his car, driving to a gas station close by. Grabbing two bottles of bourbon, the man behind the counter looked at him with pity.

''Rough few days?'' The man asked, looking up and down between Kelly's weary face and the bottles.

''You could say that. Rough few weeks actually. Almost two months actually'' Kelly mumbled, handing over the dollar bills.

''Hope things get better for you. Don't let it turn into years.''

'''Well, you're more positive than me.'' Kelly said as he grabbed the bottles and drove back to the cabin.

Soon, Kelly fell into a bourbon induced slumber, his phone right beside him. Unfortunately the man was too far gone to notice notifications in his call tab, that would've told him about the 11 missed calls from Casey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't want to leave you all waiting too long after the cliffhanger last chapter! I hoped you liked this chapter even though are still apart. But they should find their way back together, right? RIGHT? Thank you so much for reading, please let me know what you thought by leaving a comment! :)


	7. Apologies

It took 4 days after seeing the phone calls the morning after the bourbon night before Kelly finally dared to set foot in the hospital again. He had taken some of Matt's favorite candy and was excited to see him. The last few weeks, staying at his dads cabin, he had given himself the time to process what had happened to Matt. What it had meant to him as well – how that had lead to Matt breaking up with him.

Looking inside the room, Matt was on the bed. He was dressed out of his gown now into a t-shirt and sweatpants and the bed was even up a bit. But he looked tired, pale and frail. There was somebody with him, so Kelly sat down in the hallway, not wanting to disturb them. He looked as the therapist helped Matt sit up, the therapist helping him move from the bed.

Matt was holding on the therapist, standing up for a few seconds, the therapist helping him sit down on the edge of the bed again. Helping him sit back on the bed, Matt looked exhausted. The therapist left his room and slowly Kelly started making his way inside.

His face lit up as soon as Kelly came into the room.

''Good to see you standing up, even only for a few seconds.'' Kelly said as Matt looked down.

''Kel?!'' A smile lit up his face for a short moment.

''Hey.'' Kelly smiled, walking towards the bed. Matt looked worse than where they had left it two weeks ago. His arm was out of the cast now, the neck brace was gone as well but the rigid plastic brace was still around his upper body. Even more different than the weight loss, was the pair of glasses Matt was wearing.

''I tried to call.'' Matt said, still surprised by Kelly being here again after two weeks. He had tried to reach him every day, but hadn't been able to do so.

''I was at my dad's cabin, no reception, I saw your calls a few days ago…but I needed a few more days to collect my thoughts.'' Kelly explained as he sat down by Matt's bedside. ''How are you?''

''I am fine.'' Matt mumbled and Kelly wondered how many times he had already said that the past few weeks.

''You don't look fine.'' Kelly stated the obvious.

''I am.'' Matt mumbled, although not too convincing.

''You look smart though.'' Kelly smiled and pointed at the glasses.

''They help with the blurry vision. I know they don't look great but-''

''You look really cute.'' Kelly assured him, Matt smiling a bit.

There was silent between them, Kelly not sure what to say.

''I am really sorry about – well breaking up with you.'' Matt finally broke the silence.

''Does that mean you want to give us another chance?'' Kelly asked hopeful. He was not ready to let Matt go anywhere that was not with him.

''If you want to, I can't believe you would want that.'' Matt admitted. ''I really screwed up Kelly. I am sorry. I know you deserve better and I don't deserve you-''

''Matt, ofcourse I want to be with you. I have been missing you every second of every day.'' He said as he took Matt's hand from the bed, carefully.

''I have been thinking about you too – all the time – got a lot of time to think in here.'' Matt tried to force a smile.

''I am sorry I didn't call back after seeing those calls. I just – I wasn't in the best mindset and I needed a few more days to collect my thoughts.'' Kelly admitted. After a few more days, he felt he was ready to step in and look after Matt again. But he also was not going to let him slip away again and would call him on his shit.

''I am so sorry.'' Matt looked miserable. He regretted it so much, even if they would try and work it out now.

''Don't be. I know we are going to be okay.'' Kelly pinched his hand.

Matt tried to sit up a bit more, looking uncomfortable. Kelly got up, helping him sit up a bit more. Moving the chair so he could sit a bit closer, caressing over his head, Matt trying to look at him.

''Can you move a bit?''

''Sure – but –''

''I don't have full movement in my neck because of the screws and plate.'' Matt remarked.

''Shame for you, means you can't look back at my ass anymore.'' Kelly tried to cheer him up and Matt finally started to laugh.

''Have there been any improvements?'' Kelly finally dared to ask. Even though a lot of the IV's, pumps and monitors were gone, Matt was not looking a lot better.

''They said the fractures in my neck are as good as healed, and my back is looking good but needs more support from the brace.'' Matt mumbled. ''Plus my stomach is all healed, so that is good.''

''But that is good right – you didn't lose any feeling in your body – you can recover fully.''

''No – I won't.'' Matt said upset. Kelly looked at his shaking hand again and Matt tried to pull his hand away, his movement jerky.

''Matt- what are you saying.'' Kelly asked confused.

''Nothing.'' Matt just mumbled. Kelly wanted to push further to get an answer, but the last thing he wanted was to upset Matt again.

''I might take a nap, I am sorry, I just get so exhausted after therapy. Takes a lot out of me.'' Matt said, feeling sorry but the last thing he wanted was to yell at Kelly again. The pain in his back got really bad, and he didn't want to keep talking about his injuries with Kelly.

''If you like I can come back later?'' Kelly said, seeing that the therapy had really tired him out.

''Only if you really come back.'' Matt said with a small smile, Kelly taking his glasses and tucking him in.

''Yeah, I will be back, 6 okay?''

''Yeah, look forward to seeing you. We can talk some more.'' Matt smiled. Kelly walked out of the room, towards the doctor's office. He was so glad that he had finally gone here, and even though it would not be smooth sailing from now on, especially since matt still had a long recovery to go, things would be alright between them.

''Ehm, hi.'' He knocked on the door, the doctor looked up from his work.

''Haven't seen you around lately.''

''Had to go somewhere for work – he won't really talk to me, how is he doing?'' Kelly asked a bit nervous.

''I am really sorry, but I can't tell you, patient confidentiality.'' The doctor said, feeling really sorry.

Wanting to leave the hospital, he turned around then, walking back to Matt's room. Matt was still awake but looked startled as Kelly came storming into his room.

''Matt if we are going to make this work, you need to tell me what is going on with you.'' Kelly said as he sat down on the edge of his bed, taking his hand.

''Kel-''

''Matt, I love you, and I care about you. I can deal with whatever it is you don't want to tell me.''

Matt looked sad, but glad Kelly wasn't him letting slip away again. He always pushed the people he cared so much about away, but he was glad Kelly didn't let him get away with it this time.

''I trust you, I just have a hard time dealing with it myself.'' Matt admitted as he let Kelly caress his hand.

''Alright, I can respect that, but I need to know what is wrong with you Matt.'' Kelly said, glad that is was not him.

''The CT scan a few days ago showed ehm…there is damage in my cerebral vortex – that's motor skills.'' Matt fell silent and Kelly looked as he raised his shaking arm.

''Oh Matt.'' Kelly realized he had barely any control over his muscles.

''Spasms and muscle weakness. They said I will recover, but don't know how much. Especially because of my neck and my back. There will probably be lasting damage, but yeah, the doctors think I might get back on my feet. But the pain in my back and neck is really bad, the doctors think it might be lasting. They don't know how far the muscle weakness and spasms will go away.'' Matt said, tears in his eyes.

''Oh Matt – you will be okay, I know that for sure.'' Kelly said, tears in his eyes as well. Kissing his boyfriend, Matt started to cry now. Kelly crawled onto the bed with him, carefully wrapping his arms around him. Laying close, Kelly hoped it would all turn out okay. But it had to, because he promised Matt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter, but I know you will like what happens! :) Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked and hopefully till next chapter!


	8. Rehabilitation

Eight weeks after the accident finally marked the moment Matt got to leave the bed for a bit, trying to sit up. It was a painful process, as his back hurt him when the pressure build up in his spine. Even with the brace it was hard to sit up, but Kelly tried to encourage him, and after a few days he could sit up for almost an hour. It really marked the start of his rehabilitation.

It was the last week of Kelly's suspension. He spend most of his time at the hospital now, running errands for Matt when he wasn't there, as the trial for the drunk driver were coming up, as well as Matt's move to a rehabilitation center.

In recent talks with the doctors, they had talked about moving Matt to a rehab center any day now. Even though Kelly would have rather had Matt home, that was probably not going to happen any time soon. Now they just hoped he would be home by Christmas in 2 months.

Matt couldn't do much for himself. The damage in his cerebral vortex was severe enough that doubled with the coma, it was even hard to move his hand up, let alone doing any controlled movements. But Kelly was still hopeful, since he was making leaps in physical therapy now.

His memory was getting better, although he didn't remember much of the day of the accident. Honestly Kelly was glad he forgot about their fight, but the fight seemed stupid now anyway.

Every day, he took Matt outside. It was a lot of effort getting him from the bed into the wheelchair, but it clearly did Matt well being out of bed.

They were making their way outside again, Kelly pushing the wheelchair. There was a small restaurant on the ground level where they could sit outside, enjoy some of the last October sun. Making sure Matt was comfortable, Kelly went to get some drinks.

Looking at his boyfriend, sitting in the wheelchair, he couldn't help but feel bad. Even with the therapy, Matt looked like he was withering away. Matt caught him looking and looked down, self-conscious.

Walking back to him, Kelly held out the can with a straw for Matt.

''You know, those glasses looks really good on you.'' He smiled, kissing Matt on his cheek.

''Eugh, I didn't even really pick the model.'' Matt rolled his eyes.

''When you are in rehabilitation and good to head out of the center for a few hours we can look for some others you do like. Alright?''

''Yeah, I would like that.'' Matt admitted, Kelly smiling. Kelly soon had to bring him back inside again for therapy, while he in the meantime went home to finish up some stuff before going back to work tomorrow. He was barely here anymore as he had spent most of the last days nonstop with Matt.

As he returned to the hospital, the physical therapist was still working with Matt.

Kelly looked as Matt was holding the therapists hands, trying to set another step. His whole body was shaking and he could barely make it one step before he had to sit down on the bed. His hands were shaking really bad now as well as the therapist let go and helped him get back on the bed.

The therapist left him as Kelly helped Matt get comfortable.

''That was disappointing.''

''A step is a step Matt.'' Kelly said as he took his hands, holding his shaking hands.

''It is not enough Kell. I can't keep going like this.''

''It will get better – I know it will.'' Kelly promised him, kissing him on his forehead. Matt's body was slowly settling down a bit and he looked tired.

''Want to go outside?''

''No, I am really tired.'' Matt mumbled, his back hurting and not looking forward to Kelly having to help him in his wheelchair.

''Want me to leave?''

''Nah, come here.'' Matt said as he pulled Kelly's hand. ''You must be excited to get back to work tomorrow.''

''You gonna miss me?'' Kelly said as he moved Matt's legs a bit so he could sit down on the bed.

''Yeah, but this conversation was about you, not me.'' Matt told him. ''Things have been about me enough the last two months.''

''Well, it is not nothing what happened to you.'' Kelly didn't blame him at all.

''I know, but it hasn't been nothing on you either.'' Matt admitted. ''I have been shitty, and you have had enough going on too.''

''You don't need to apologize.''

''You didn't answer the question.'' Matt told him.

''Yeah I am.'' Kelly admitted after a deep sigh. Even though he loved spending time with Matt, he felt it was good he would have some shifts to focus on on the side as well.

''I am glad, you are happy at work, and I want you to be happy.'' Matt smiled, meaning every word of it.

* * *

 

**A week later**

* * *

 

Two days ago, Matt had moved to the rehabilitation center. Kelly had helped him move his stuff as it was his day off, but returned now from a shift. It was good to be back at work and honestly it worked well for him, as both of them had some time apart now. As Matt's world was still very limited he got annoyed pretty fast still, even while he tried not to take it out on Kelly. He had gotten a lot better with that, to the point Kelly was more concerned he was not letting his anger and irritation out at all.

Kelly noticed he wasn't in his room and figured he had therapy.

Walking around to look for him, he found Matt standing in one of the therapy rooms, in between the bars. His therapist was holding him as he made a step, his legs shaking. Kelly looked proud as he made another two steps before having to give up. Sitting down in his wheelchair, Kelly walked back to his room to wait for him there.

During the evening, the intense therapy session was hitting Matt hard and soon Kelly decided to spend the night with him.

Kelly woke up in the middle of the night to Matt's pained moans.

''Your neck?'' Kelly asked in the dark.

''It's bad, sorry.''

''You don't need to apologize for that.'' Kelly told him as he got up from the bed, walking to Matt's. Sitting down on the side of his bed, he carefully started caressing Matt's sore neck. He felt his body shaking and cramped but the longer he caressed his neck, the calmer Matt seemed to become.

''I am not sure what I did to deserve you.'' Matt mumbled softly.

''Being the kindest, most loyal and loveable man I know.'' Kelly said as he kissed him on his head, getting up then to find a staff member to help with painkillers.

The next day he was doing a lot better, and even had some careful therapy in the morning. Kelly wanted to head to the gym, but got another idea, checking with his therapist. Later that afternoon he came walking into Matt's room in his exercise clothes.

''Come on, we are going to exercise together.'' Kelly told Matt, having cleared it with his therapist.

''Gonna need a hand from the bed.'' Matt said as he moved to the edge, Kelly moving the wheelchair closer. He held Matt as Matt quickly moved to the chair, Kelly moving his legs onto the legrest.

''Think I will need to skip leg day.'' Matt mumbled, his legs still tense from yesterday and the last thing he wanted was to upset his body again.

''Doing anything will be good.'' Kelly told him as he pushed the wheelchair towards the small gym in the center. He wanted to hand Matt 5lb weights, but he dropped them from his hands almost instantly, his hands not cooperating.

Kelly wanted to hand him the lighter weights, but Matt shook his head.

''Come on, you can do it.''

''It's pointless.'' Matt sulked.

''It is not, Matt. Within a few days you went from making one step to making three steps. It is going to be a long road but you will get there.''

Taking the weights from Kelly again, they worked out together. Matt was struggling, even with the lighter weights, looking as Kelly was deadlifting weights ten times as heavy. But at least he was doing something, and he was glad Kelly had pushed him to do it. He knew his fine motor skills might never fully get back, but with Kelly pushing him, he knew he would get back a lot still.

Soon they called it a night and returned to Matt's room.

Matt looked tired as Kelly helped him into the bathtub in the bathroom by his room, gently rubbing his shoulders. He noticed the scars on his neck and an even larger one on his back from the surgeries. Someday he would go back under the knife, have the screws and plates removed, but it wasn't happening any time soon.

Helping him out of the tub again and getting dressed, Kelly got annoyed since he was making so much progress, but it was like Matt was not seeing it.

''I uh, I know you are probably not to bothered by it and you shouldn't be, just wanted to say that me and Orlovsky and representative from the CFD are working on the legal side of things. The drunk driver is going up to court soon.'' Kelly said as he helped Matt pull the t-shirt over his head.

''Thanks, I really appreciate everything you do for me, really.'' Matt said as he straightened it out, his hands shaking after the exercise. Kelly pulled the blanket over him.

''I got something for you, it's in the nightstand.'' Matt said and curious Kelly opened it, finding a wrapped gift.

''How did you…?''

''A lot of patience with my hands and the phone and got it delivered.'' Matt explained. ''Come on, unwrap it.''

It was a small box, containing two tickets to an upcoming Blackhawks match.

''You can go with whoever you-''

''Ofcourse I will go with you, Matt! You shouldn't have, but so sweet.'' Kelly kissed him.

''I know I haven't been the best, but I love you so much, and I just wanted to make sure to show that.'' Matt smiled. Sharing a kiss, Kelly finally had a feeling that the worst was behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I really hope you liked this chapter, as I am not as sure about it but was also super stuck on how to change it. Hopefully you did enjoy it!


	9. Glasses and Shoes

Kelly had just gotten off his shift, driving to the rehabilitation center. Matt was cleared to leave the center for a few hours today and they were going shopping for glasses and some more stuff Matt needed. Kelly also planned on taking him home for a few hours, as Matt had mentioned he really missed home.

Matt was already waiting when he walked into his room, sitting in the wheelchair he had been using by the window. He looked good, the staff had helped him with his hair and helped him shave, clearly.

''Hey, you look good.'' Kelly kissed him. Taking the bag on Matt's lap, he swung it over his shoulder and Matt smiled at him.

''Excited to break out of here for a bit.''

''Excited to help you break out of here for a bit.'' Kelly kissed his cheek and Matt was glad to spend the day with Kelly away from this all. He had had therapy early this morning, but was cleared for the rest of the day.

He knew it was not going to be easy, and the first hurdle already came when Kelly had to help Matt into the car. Even though he was getting a bit better, there was much he could do and he tried not to be annoyed as Kelly helped him into the car.

At the mall, they went to buy some glasses for Matt. Even though he had the ones he got while in the hospital, he felt a bit better about it now he and Kelly picked out some together. Kelly had picked out some smart glasses with a black plastic frame. Putting them on for Matt, Kelly held out the mirror.

''You can always look at contacts.'' Kelly said as Matt still didn't seem to impressed.

''I'd just stab my own eye out.'' Matt said, looking down at his shaking hands on his lap. Kelly wasn't sure what to say, finally kissing him on top of his head.

''Well I think you look really handsome either way.'' Kelly told him.

They settled on the glasses, also ordering some sunglasses with adjusted glasses.

Going into a sports store, they picked up some more sweatpants and workout great for Matt.

''We should probably get you some new shoes while we are here.'' Kelly said as he pushed the wheelchair to the wall with sneakers.

''My shoes are fine.''

''Well you are starting to walk again, and those old gym shoes aren't giving you much support.''

''They're not that old.'' Matt mumbled, pretty uncomfortable with the thought of Kelly having to wrestle with a pair of sneakers and his feet.

''When did you get them?'' Kelly said strict.

''Doesn't matter.''

''Before or after 2010?'' Kelly raised an eyebrow.

''Before – but it doesn't matter! I am not walking much either.'' Matt sighed annoyed.

''You will though.'' Kelly said, picking up some, holding it out to Matt. ''These seem good.''

''They're fine.'' Matt just mumbled.

''Wanna try them on?''

''No.'' Matt looked away.

''Not here or never? We can just get your size and try them on at the center, I can return them if they don't fit.''

''Alright.'' Matt finally agreed. ''We can try them tonight.''

''Good.'' Kelly caressed his shoulders as Matt took the box from him and put it on his lap. Kelly knew it was all hard on Matt, and tried to patient with him. Luckily Matt tried to not take his anger out on Kelly anymore.

''We can get some more stuff for your room at the center if you want?'' Kelly offered as he pushed the wheelchair out of the store and after paying.

''I am alright Kelly, I am just not sure I want to stay here at the mall much longer.'' Matt admitted.

''If you want – we can go home instead?'' Kelly gave up, knowing it was probably what Matt wanted the most now.

''I would like that.'' Matt smiled. His back was aching, as well as his neck so he was not looking forward having to sit up much longer, especially in a strange place.

They made their way back to the car and Matt tried not to mind as people looked when Kelly helped him back into the car.

''Maybe we should get one of those blue handicapped parking cards, we would have more space to get you in the car.'' Kelly told Matt as it was cramped between his car and the car he was parked next to. He helped Matt get his legs into the car, Matt looking upset at what he had just mentioned.

''Don't even think about. You keep talking about how I should get back on my feet.'' Matt told him.

''Alright, just wanted to check with you.'' Kelly said as he closed the seatbelt for Matt.

''I know – maybe, if things keep moving slowly.'' Matt said as he looked bad at Kelly, hoping Kelly didn't take his protest the wrong way. Kelly nodded as he was trying to fold the wheelchair.

''It's a borrowed one, you better not break the frame.'' Matt teased Kelly, Kelly shutting the car door overdramatic to shut him up, Matt laughing. It was good to see him laugh.

At home it was an equal hassle to unfold the chair again. Helping him out of the car, Matt grimaced.

''What is it?'' Kelly asked concerned.

''My back.''

''How about we get you settled comfy on the couch inside.''

''Sounds like a plan.'' Matt smiled. But the smile soon faded from his face.

Matt was crying as Kelly opened the front door.

''It's so great to be back here, even only for a few hours.'' Matt smiled as he looked around the house. Even though they had only been living here for a few months, it was nice coming home.

Kelly pushed the wheelchair inside the house and soon Matt was on his favorite spot on the sofa – the corner. Kelly was grabbing them some drinks and Matt looked around.

''Shame we will have to move.'' Matt said as Kelly came walking back, holding out the coke and straw out for him.

'''We can look for a new house if that is necessary. But you are still gaining motor function. Give it some time.'' Kelly said, not wanting to talk about having to move yet.

''Look at me, I can't even hold my own can.'' Matt said as he raised his hand, it shaking to hard to even come remotely close to the can.

''Matt, you are not paralyzed and you are improving, who knows, maybe you will even return to the construction or the CFD someday.''

''Kell, I can't even brush my own hair, I don't see it happening.''

''Weeks ago you couldn't even move you hand, now you're already learning how to write again – weeks ago you couldn't even feel your legs and I am pretty sure I saw you make a couple of steps two days ago.''

''I fell.''

''But you got up.'' Kelly said as he held out the can for Matt again. Even though he knew he was probably being too hopeful about Matt getting back to work, he knew Matt could still recover a lot more.

''True.'' Matt said, just trying to force a smile. He was glad to be at home, but it made him feel even more angry about this happening to him. He tried to channel his anger into his therapy and do well there, but so far he still felt angry. It felt unfair this had happened to him. Even though he had to go to court soon to testify, he felt it would not even be fair then.

What he hated even more, was that it felt he kept hurting Kelly with his angry. He knew he did, even when he tried not do it.

Matt looked from the couch as Kelly was in the kitchen making dinner. He kept looking back, even though his neck was aching, but he couldn't look away from Kelly. He still wasn't sure what he had done right to deserve a man like Kelly.

''Stop staring at me, you creeper!'' Kelly caught Matt looking. Matt chuckled, Kelly walking his way, caressing his neck and kissing him on top of his head.

''Want to bring me back soon already?'' Matt asked concerned.

''Nah, I am not bringing you back there a minute before seven.'' Kelly said as he laid down against Matt, Carefully not to hurt his back. Pulling Matt's arm around him, he was so glad to have him for a bit.

Matt's hand was shaking on his shoulder, Kelly caressing it.

Feeling all warm inside, so happy to be here and Kelly so close, Matt finally felt a bit happy again for the first time months.

''What is wrong?'' He asked concerned. He thought he heard Kelly choke up, sobbing softly. He tried to bend his head down, seeing what was going on, but couldn't do so.

As Kelly sat up, he was wiping away the tears.

''What is wrong?'' Matt asked concerned.

''I was just thinking about how close I was to losing you – twice. First the accident and then you breaking up with me – Matt I was scared about losing you and it is all hitting me now.'' Kelly admitted, letting it all spill out.

''Oh Kel- I am so sorry.''

''The accident wasn't your fault.''

''But breaking up with you was.'' Matt said, feeling tears well up in his eyes as well.

''No – no, you were not in a good place, I don't blame you.'' Kelly sniffed, caressing Matt's arm for a second.

''I was there on the scene straight away, I saw how they pulled you from the car, cut your shirt open and started shocking you – Matt, fuck, I was so scared.'' Kelly said, the tears coming again. ''Then in the hospital they said you might never wake up and I didn't even know what to do.''

''Kel, I am sorry you were so scared, and I am sorry I didn't think of that before – and I am here to stay, I am not going anywhere.'' Matt promised, laying his shaking hand on his jaw, and they shared a kiss.

''I know – I know.'' Kelly smiled just a bit. Kissing Matt again, he grabbed dinner before it would burn.

Sitting by the table, Kelly helped Matt eat. His fine motor skills were no good and it was going to be a long road, with no guarantee he would ever get full function of his hands again. But he was working hard, learning to write again and do everyday things. After a while, Matt said he was full, not really wanting to eat much more.

''how about we try on those shoes.'' Matt said, realizing that it was not just hard on him after what they had talked about, but also for Kelly.

''Sounds like a plan.'' Kelly smiled, glad that Matt was finally taking the help. Carefully, he took of his shoes, putting these on and tying the laces. Matt laid his arms around Kelly's neck as Kelly held him, lifting him up on his feet. Matt was holding him as best as he could, worried to fall over.

''They fit alright?''

''Was more loving holding you.'' Matt smiled. ''But yeah, they are great.''

Sharing a kiss, Matt wanted Kelly to never go of his arms. Holding each other close, they just hoped it would be the beginning of everything getting better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this extra long chapter! I really hope you enjoyed it, I sure did enjoy writing it! Please let me know what you thought and hopefully till next chapter.


	10. Ribs and Pizza

Kelly walked into the work out room, Matt working out on his own, standing between the bars.

''Hey.'' Kelly walked in, wanting to kiss Matt.

''Sorry, gotta concentrate before I fall over.'' Matt mumbled, turning his head away from Kelly.

''You are wearing the new shoes.'' Kelly remarked as he sat down on Matt's chair, looking at him standing up between the bars.

''Kelly, you mind?'' Matt sighed tired. Getting up and grabbing Matt's arm, he helped him to the end of the bars and sit down. Matt sighed tired again as Kelly lifted up his legs and put them on the leg rest.

''How about I finally get a kiss?'' Kelly teased him.

''Sorry, I just –'' Matt couldn't finish his sentences before Kelly pressed his lips on his.

''Everything alright – between us?'' Kelly asked concerned as they stopped kissing.

''Sorry.'' Matt mumbled.

''Don't be sorry – but what is wrong?'' Kelly asked concerned.

''I don't know, I just feel a bit tired.'' Matt said. Kelly was concerned, as Matt had not initiated much affection between them lately.

''You in here training again, we told you you can't just go here without some supervision?!'' One of the nurses came walking in, looking strict at Matt.

''I have no therapy today, wanted to give it a shot.'' Matt argued back.

''You are damn stubborn.'' The nurse told him, shaking her head.

''Wouldn't be here otherwise.'' Matt argued again.

''Well, we can't have you straining your back too much. You are not fully healed and going outside of your training is really going to make the pain even worse.'' She warned him.

''Alright, I will make sure to get him back in bed.'' Kelly promised, seeing Matt's annoyed face.

''I am fine.'' Matt grumbled as Kelly took him away before things would get worse.

''Well baby, you did break your back in three places, and your neck – and you were in a coma, so please don't push yourself, want to get you home as soon as possible but in one piece.'' Kelly said concerned.

''True.'' Matt finally sighed.

Back in his room, Kelly helped Matt get undressed to take a bath. Even though he knew how much weight and muscle mass Matt had lost the last few months, he was still shocked every time he saw him undressed. Especially when the back brace came off for the bath, and he could count the ribs in his boyfriends body. His arms were barely any thicker than the armrests of his wheelchair.

Helping him up and to the bathroom, Kelly helped him as Matt sunk down in the bath. Splashing some water onto his back, Kelly looked at the scars on his back and in his neck.

''If you want you can join.'' Matt pulled his legs up.

''No, no, you enjoy this bath – what if I get in and a nurse comes to check.'' Kelly joked.

''I'd get jealous.'' Matt laughed and they shared a kiss.

''We are taking a bath together when you get home.'' Kelly bit his lip.

''I can think of more excite-''

''I didn't say this was all.'' Kelly teased him. He couldn't wait for that moment honestly. With Matt being in the hospital, here and in no state to be intimate with him on that level, he did yearn for being intimate again. He knew even if Matt did come home, it would still be a journey to find out what they could and couldn't do, but he looked forward to it.

''Kelly, I know you need intimacy and if you want to find that with someone else for the time being-'' Matt said, as it had been on his mind. Kelly had always had a high libido, more so than him and he knew this could not be easy for him.

''I don't, I want it to be with you when you are ready and healed.'' Kelly caressed his face.

''Kelly Severide, a monogamous man.'' Matt said with a cheeky smile.

''I have been before.'' Kelly laughed.

''I know – I just – I just wanted to say I understood if you missed something.''

''I don't want anyone but you, babe.'' Kelly promised him. Soon Matt wanted to get out of the bath.

''You are really getting light.'' Kelly said concerned as helped Matt up.

''I feel fine.'' Matt said he took Kelly's hand, Kelly helping him back on the bed. His legs were shaking and Kelly looked concerned.

''Spams?''

''Yeah, not too bad though. Had some bad ones earlier this week.'' Matt said as Kelly helped him get dressed. He let Matt do as much as he could himself, but especially with his pants and his socks he needed some help.

''How about we go out to dinner tonight?'' Kelly offered as Matt was dressed.

''I am not sure Kel – my hand's aren't really good, I can barely eat my dinner here with a lot of patience.'' Matt said concerned. Seeing Kelly look disappointed, he bit his lip. He knew he had to do better.

''Hey you know what, we can go out. How about we got to that new pizza place we wanted to go…'' Matt trailed off for a second.

''what is wrong?''

''I just realized it is not that new anymore. Gosh, I have been in the hospital and in here forever.'' Matt said, staring out of the window. ''At least I still remember it.''

''Yeah, but yeah, we can go there. It is not too fair, won't even have to take the car.'' Kelly smiled. He was glad Matt realized his memory was getting better as well. He wasn't forgetting major things, but small things like this and especially since they had talked about it before the accident.

''My treat. I should be able to eat some pizza without making a mess.'' Matt offered. He knew he had been lousy lately, and he had to do better for Kelly. The rehabilitation was tiring him out, and it sometimes felt that he wasn't available enough for Kelly emotionally. Especially after Kelly had started to cry when admitting how scared he was to lose him a week ago.

After watching a movie, and Matt taking a short nap, they made their way to the pizza place. It was not too far and Matt enjoyed being outside. Honestly, even though he had not been so sure first about going out, he was glad he did now. He also knew that Kelly deserved a nice night out.

They got to large pizzas to mix and match. Before the accident, they had talked about going here as it was pretty close to their house. Matt was not a very adventurous either, but Kelly could always get him excited with pizza.

He looked decent, sitting up and his back brace hidden by the thick sweater he was wearing. His face was weary, but he looked cheerful being out.

''You look good.''

''I don't feel I look that great.''

''Skinny, but you look good.'' Kelly assured him.

''You lost wait as well.''

''I have had a lot of worries about you Matt.'' Kelly admitted.

Surprised Kelly looked as the drinks in their glasses were sloshing around. A quick looked showed him that it were Matt's knees knocking into the table, his legs cramping up and shaking.

''Sorry, I can't stop it.'' Matt said, his face turning red. He laid his hands on his knees trying to stop them from spasming.

''Matt, it's okay.'' Kelly said. Even though had had not seen it be this bad before, he knew it happened sometimes as Matt had told him.

''Shit.'' Matt said upset. He had just wanted to have a nice night out with Kelly tonight, but now he felt embarrassed. He felt the muscles in his back contracting as well.

''Wanna pack up the pizza and take it back to the center?''

''Probably the only option.'' Matt said, not sure what to do. He wanted to stay and enjoy the pizza with Kelly here, but he knew the spasms in his back could still get a lot worse.

The back spasms were not too bad when they arrived back at the center. Luckily they were able to help Matt with some muscle relaxants.

''We can see if we can hire your dose Matt.'' The onsite doctor told him as Matt was on the bed, his body finally settling down.

''I'd have even less muscle power during therapy, wouldn't I?'' Matt asked concerned.

''We can try and find a better dosage that works for you. Just get some rest now.'' The doctor laid his hand om Matt's shoulder for a second, leaving Matt and Kelly alone then.

''Pizza?'' Kelly tried to brighten the mood, Matt nodding. Kelly put the box on his lap. Matt seemed a bit distracted to eat, starting at the wall and the window.

''hey, hey!'' Matt said as Kelly picked up the pepperoni slice before Matt could stop him.

''What? You snooze, you lose.'' Kelly teased him, but couldn't do it to Matt. Helping him sit up a bit more, he held up a slice for him.

''Thanks, sorry you need to help feed me.'' Matt said, his arms tired. Even though he wanted to grab his own slice, the medication made his whole body feel tired and weak.

''It's no bother. We need to fatten you up.'' Kelly said as Matt was finally eating.

''I ehm – I am really sorry it worries you, I'll try to eat more and better.'' Matt promised Kelly. Kelly kissed him, glad to hear it. He knew that Matt was not eating so little on purpose, but his lack of fine motor skills made it hard to eat.

''It's alright, you will get there.'' Kelly smiled.

''Kel – I am really sorry I have been so emotionally unavailable for you. I am tired all the time and I get mad with myself I need to do better with you, and I keep promising I will do better. But I seem to fail, I am really sorry.'' Matt said, holding Kelly's hand, his fingers pinching just a bit.

''Matt, it is fine, all I need is for you to get better and cope, and you are doing that. Everything else will come.'' Kelly said, kissing him again.

''Hey, come here.'' Matt tugged his arm. Kelly pushed the rail down and laid down next to Matt on the bed. It was small, but laying against each other, they were so glad to lay here together. Matt kissed Kelly right under his ear, a place that he knew Kelly really enjoyed.

''Matt.'' Kelly moaned with a smile, sharing another kiss.

''I can't wait to get home with you.'' Matt whispered. Kissing again, Kelly folded Matt in his arms, both of them felt safer than they had the past few months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally had some time to write again! Hope you enjoyed this and please let me know what you thought!


	11. The pier and the firehouse

Kelly walked into the rehabilitation center one Friday morning, suspecting Matt to be waiting for him in a suit to go to court.

He was surprised to find Matt was not dressed in a suit, but still in his boxers and a hoodie by the window.

‘’Matt?’’ Kelly asked a bit worried as he had expected Matt to be ready and waiting.

‘’I am not going.’’ Matt mumbled, staring out of the window.

‘’You don’t have to.’’ Kelly laid his hand on his shoulder for a second.

‘’I wanted him to see what he did to me – but I don’t want to see him.’’ Matt said, miserable. He stared out of the window. Even though Matt had been so sure about going before, Kelly couldn’t blame him.

Caressing Matt’s hand on the armrest, Kelly sat with him in silence for a while.  

‘’Can I take you somewhere to cheer you up?’’ He asked then.

‘’I don’t think my mood will get any better today.’’ Matt sighed.

‘’Well I am going to give it a shot anyway, we are going out.’’ Kelly announced, grabbing some clothes for Matt.

‘’You have anything that is not a hoodie?’’ Kelly asked, looking over the shelves his clothes were on.

‘’Not since they cut up my sweater at the scene.’’ Matt mumbled. He never had had a lot of clothes, not really caring for it, plus before he had mostly been in CFD attire. After leaving the firehouse, he had never thought of buying anymore sweaters and winter clothes because of the weather being alright. Plus he thrown most of it out after the divorce, as Gabby had bought it for him.

‘’We were at the mall recently. Couldn’t have told me then you needed more clothes?’’ Kelly said questioning.  

‘’Didn’t think of it.’’

Kelly knew damn well he had known, but probably hadn’t wanted to spend any money on himself, as per usual.

Soon Kelly had gotten him dressed in some jeans, one of his plain t-shirts and a flannel shirt that was actually Kelly’s that had laying around there since he sometimes left his own clothes here between shifts. Matt didn’t argue as Kelly put his jacket on and zipped it up, pushing the wheelchair to the car then. Soon he was into the car, not really sure what they were going to do.

‘’So what is your plan?’’ Matt asked.

‘’I was supposed to work today – but took off to be with you today, but we could always drop by the firehouse. Wanted to go for a drive around the city and to the navy pier first, I know you like it there.’’ Kelly offered.

‘’You took off for the court case – the one I have decided not to go to?’’ Matt asked, a bit moved by Kelly doing that for him.

‘’Yeah, of course.’’ Kelly smiled at him. Soon they were driving onto Lake Shore Drive. Matt hadn’t realized how much he had missed seeing his home city until, now that he had been stuck inside a hospital and mostly stuck inside in the rehabilitation center.

‘’I am sorry Kelly, we probably should’ve gone.’’

‘’Don’t be silly. Spending the day with you like this is perfect too.’’ Kelly assured him. He pulled into a parking lot close by the navy pier. Helping Matt out of the car, they started to make their way through the park nearby, Casey enjoying the sights.

‘’Soon enough we will be going for our runs here again.’’

‘’I don’t I will be running any time soon, let’s stick to walking for now. Even that is still a long stretch.’’ Matt said. Even though he was able to make a few steps, his muscles in his legs were unreliable and even while being helped by the therapist, he ended up falling more often than he wanted to.

‘’Want to grab lunch at the restaurant we usually go?’’ Kelly asked, as there was an Italian restaurant on the pier they both enjoyed eating at.

‘’Ehm-‘’

‘’It will be good.’’

‘’Alright.’’ Matt agreed and they made their way to the restaurant. Taking a table by the window, Kelly was glad to see Matt had cheered up a bit. Matt settled for some risotto, as it was easier to eat.

He tried not to mind as he was eating, knowing some people were probably looking at him. His hands were shaky, and some risotto fell down on his lap. Kelly quickly wiped it off.

‘’Sorry-‘’

‘’It’s fine, just enjoy lunch.’’

Matt tried to follow Kelly’s advice, and soon he finished most of the plate, making a bit of a mess but he was also glad he had gone out and done this. Back in the car, Kelly brought up the firehouse again.

‘’Alright.’’ Matt nodded. They drove down the familiar road towards the firehouse. Kelly enjoyed seeing Matt enjoying the drive, looking out of the window. He was glad that Matt had enjoyed the lunch at the restaurant. He had been trying to eat more the past few weeks, and it was showing. His face seemed less sunken.

At the firehouse, Kelly parked across the street.

‘’You wanna walk?’’ Kelly asked.

‘’Nah, won’t even get across the driveway before faceplanting.’’ Matt said, struggling to get up from the car. Kelly quickly came to his aide, helping him stand up and sit down in the wheelchair. Kelly pushed him up the inclining driveway, Matt not having the power in his arms. Most of them were in the common room, and as soon as Herrmann spotted them, he jumped up to open the door. Matt was not sure what to say as everybody looked at him.

‘’Hey everybody.’’ Matt was the first to break the silence after a few seconds.

Matt felt bad about not keeping in contact with most of them. He knew Kelly probably gave them updates, but he himself had not been in contact with anybody but a few phone calls to Herrmann and Boden here and there.

‘’I know I don’t work here anymore and I haven’t for a while-‘’

‘’You will always be our family.’’ Herrmann assured him, laying his hand on his shoulder for a second.

‘’How are you doing?’’ Cruz was the first that dared ask.

‘’Taking it one step at the time, literally. It’s been a slow recovery – but it is something.’’ Matt said. He wanted to be more positive, but this was all he could say.

‘’I am really sorry again guys.’’ He apologized again.

‘’I mean you did get messed up pretty bad, so I guess we can cut you some slack.’’ Otis said with a smile.

‘’How are your back and neck now?’’ Herrmann asked concerned, putting half a glass of water in front of Casey, Severide nodding appreciative at him.

‘’Neck is decent – I don’t have full movement but I can’t complain.’’ Matt smiled. The rest took it as a sign they shouldn’t ask about his back that he didn’t mention it. Even though Kelly gave them updates, he knew Matt wouldn’t like him going around telling people everything, so he hadn’t told them about the nights Matt laid awake because of the pain in his back, that would probably never go away again. The painkillers helped, but often at night Matt refused to call the staff.

Matt looked self-conscious as his hands, resting on the table, were shaking and tremoring. He caught Mouch looking as well. Herrmann noticed as well, quickly changing the subject.

Soon the conversation shifted to some recent calls and goofs and gaffs from around the firehouse. Cruz, Otis and Herrmann kept bombarding him with conversation, and Kelly notices Matt’s sentences were trailing off.

Kelly looked at Matt. Even though he was still sitting up and awake, he noticed his boyfriend was mentally completely somewhere else.

‘’I think we should get going soon.’’ Kelly said, knew Matt wouldn’t say it.

‘’It was really great seeing you all – I’ll come by more often.’’ Matt promised. After saying goodbye, they made their way back to the car. Matt looked tired out now, Kelly having to help him back in the car and close his seatbelt.

‘’Thanks for getting me out of there.’’

‘’Something wrong?’’

‘’Just tired. Then all talking through each other really did a number on my brain.’’ Matt admitted. Kelly caressed his hand. Even though he was doing a lot better, his brain was not fully healed from the severe concussion and the coma.

‘’Let’s get you back to the center and to bed.’’ Kelly said, kissing his hand and starting the car then.

‘’I had a really nice day today. Thank you.’’ Matt smiled.

‘’Anytime babe – I had a great time as well.’’ Kelly smiled. They shared a kiss, Kelly started driving then. At the center he helped Matt get undressed. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, Kelly grabbing the hoodie he liked to sleep in now that it was getting colder.

‘’I really liked everything today, driving around town, lunch, the firehouse.’’ Matt smiled. ‘’Shame I was so useless listening to them.’’

‘’Matt, you did great. It’s only been a few months since you woke up from a coma. Give it some time. Especially with your history.’’

Kelly was surprised as Matt suddenly wrapped his arms around him.

Burying his head in Kelly’s neck, they held onto each other for a while. Kelly caressed over his back, lovingly.

‘’Can’t wait to have you home in a few weeks.’’ He said softly, Kissing Matt in his neck.

‘’Me too.’’ Matt let go then, smiling. Allowing Kelly to help him get the hoodie over his head, he did realize it was only a few more weeks till he was finally going home. Even though he would still be here multiple times a week for his therapies, he would at least be at home again.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he looked as Kelly grabbed some socks, pulling them over his feet.

‘’Really gotta lay down before I fall over.’’ Matt said, Kelly holding him and laying him down gently. Matt taking a short nap as Kelly sat by him, reading about the court case on his phone. Their lawyer had send him an emailing, explaining everything as Kelly had missed his call earlier.

‘’What are you smiling at?’’ Matt asked, waking up.

‘’The driver plead guilty, he is going to jail.’’

‘’I guess it should make me feel better but it doesn’t.’’ Matt mumbled.

‘’At least the whole legal battle is a thing of the past. You are getting a settlement – you can finally buy yourself some new clothes.’’

Matt smiled wry.

‘’Might take you back to that Italian with the settlement money.’’ Matt smiled, his eyes falling shut again.

‘’I like that.’’

Kelly kissed him again, caressing his head as he was dozing off again.

But Kelly also knew damn well, that even with all the money in the world, it didn’t mean things were going to get any easier for them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for still reading the story! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter as well. There is a lot more planned for the story and I hope you are not tired of it yet! Thanks so much for reading again and please let me know what you thought! :)


	12. Christmas Eve

Kelly sat with Matt, his boyfriend asleep as he had been tired after his physical and psychotherapy. It was the 23rd of December and Kelly and Matt were only thinking about Christmas, as it would be Matt’s first day back at home.

Even though his several therapists had said he could, but they wouldn’t recommend it, Casey couldn’t be told otherwise. He wanted to go home for the holidays.

Kelly had tried to talk to him about not coming home yet, but to be honest, he wanted him home as well after nearly half a year.

One of the staff members came walking in with his sorted medication.

‘’Will I need to take care of these when he gets home?’’ Kelly asked concerned, as they had not evne though about that yet.

‘’His caretaker will probably do it.’’ She said. ‘’Please make sure he takes these soon, even if you have to wake him up.’’

‘’Will do.’’ Kelly promised, looking at Matt. He had not slept at all the night before, nervous for how it was going to be when Matt came home tomorrow.

‘’Matt, time for your meds.’’ Kelly shook his shoulder, Matt waking up. Looking at the large amount of pills, Kelly was not even sure what all of them were for. He knew Matt was on multiple painkillers, muscle relaxants to help with the spasms, medication to avoid blood cloths and a whole other lot Kelly couldn’t even name.

‘’Matt – you know I don’t know everything right, have you looked at the carer your doctor told you to look at?’’ Kelly asked concerned.

‘’I haven’t yet.’’ Matt admitted. ‘’I just don’t want to honestly.’’

‘’Matt, how are we going to do that when I have a shift?’’

‘’I’ll manage, I can take a cab here and I’ll be fine.’’ Matt said, Kelly wanting to object. But he was also worried that it would bring Matt down. He looked cheerful going home, and Kelly did not want to ruin that.

‘’I don’t even know exactly what medications you are on. Maybe you don’t feel like you need the help, but I am going to need the help too.’’ Kelly admitted.

‘’Fine, let’s focus on getting home tomorrow and Christmas eve, we can look at it Christmas day, okay?’’ Matt proposed. ''You are off anyway till early january.''

‘’Sounds like a plan.’’ Kelly agreed, worried it would become a sore point between them. 

 

* * *

 

Kelly did a last check through the house. He had made everything for Matt’s homecoming, including the Christmas tree with a mountain of presents under it.

It was over 5 months now since Matt’s accident, and honestly all he wanted was to have him home. At about four, Matt finished his physical and occupational therapy, and Kelly promised he would be there to pick him up.

Arriving at the center, Matt’s room was mostly empty as Kelly had already taken most home already. Matt was waiting for him, his last bag of stuff on his lap, as well as some wrapped presents.

‘’Santa came already?’’ Kelly smiled, kissing Matt.

‘’The occupational therapist thought it was a great way to get me working with my hands.’’ Matt said, a bit embarrassed by the sloppily wrapped presents. ‘’Only took me two hours do these 3.’’

‘’Well, I love that you did that.’’ Kelly told him. They said their goodbyes to the staff quickly, as Matt would still be here most days of the week, so it was not really a goodbye yet. The nurse that had kept track of Matt most of the time handed over a medicine assortment box, the right dosages already sorted out.

‘’Should bank you over till you get a carer. Let me know if you run into trouble.’’ She told Kelly. The pills were separated in morning, afternoon, evening and night slots and Kelly nodded gratefully.

‘’He better get over his stubbornness soon.’’ Kelly sighed, Matt out of a hearing distance. Even though he wanted to look after Matt on his own, he knew he couldn’t.

Helping Matt into the car, he drove to their apartment and soon Matt’s presents were under the tree together with the mountain of gifts Kelly had gotten Matt.

Matt looked around. Not a lot changed. He had allowed Kelly and his therapist to make some necessary adjustments to the house. To Matt’s big discontent, Kelly had also gotten him a walker and it was by the door. Besides that, the living room seemed mostly the same except the furniture was moves so he had a bit more space to navigate his wheelchair. He knew there were probably some more adjustments in their ensuite bathroom, but he left that for later, not wanting to look at it now.

Kelly helped him from his wheelchair onto the couch, Matt not being able to do much more than letting Kelly do that as he felt his back playing up. Grabbing them some drinks, he sat down beside his boyfriend, so glad they could still celebrate Christmas at home, together. Taking the first gift, he figured they would start with unwrapping gift mountain.

‘’Since they cut up your sweater on the scene.’’ Kelly put the nicely wrapped present on his lap. Trying to tug the bow, Matt waited for Kelly to step in and help him.

‘’Mason said I should let you try things on your own.’’

Grumbling Casey tugged the bow again and finally it fell off, luckily it was a box and there was no wrapping paper and taking off the lid, it fell to the ground, Matt not being able to hold onto it.

‘’Taking way too long.’’

‘’I got all night.’’ Kelly told him as he looked at Matt wiping the paper inside the box aside, finding a nice dark green knitted sweater like he had before the accident.

‘’I love it Kel, thanks.’’ He smiled, struggling to lift it out of the box to take a better look. Noticing it was an S instead of his usual M, he felt a bit bad about all the weight he had lost.

‘’Don’t look so sad. This is not all.’’ Kelly pointed at all the wrapped presents under the tree.

‘’I think I do need some help with all of those.’’ Matt admitted ‘’Although there are some for you as well.’’

‘’Yeah, is it okay I unpack one of those?’’

‘’They are for you.’’ Matt smiled, looking as he took one. The paper fell off as soon as Kelly picked it up, but he loved the gift. It was the expensive bottle of whiskey he had mentioned before, but Matt knew he would never treat himself to it.

‘’Ooh I love it babe!’’ Kelly smiled, taking another present for Matt and kissing him. Sitting down beside him, he lovingly put Matt’s legs up on the longer bit of their corner seat couch as they were shaking.

‘’You nervous about your gifts?’’ Kelly asked concerned.

‘’No, I just think you got me so many gifts.’’ Matt said. ‘’Not sure what I did to deserve that.’’

‘’You deserve the whole world if I could give that to you.’’ Kelly told him as he lovingly caressed over his legs, the muscles calming down a bit now that they were resting. ‘’Not all the gifts are mine, some were from the guys in the firehouse.’’

‘’They just got me those out of pity.’’

‘’No, they got you those for Christmas.’’ Kelly told him.  ‘’We got each other presents, and you are still a part of the family.’’

Unwrapping the gift, Matt found a heated blanket.

‘’It should be good with your back. Maybe it could help with the spasms in your back?’’ Kelly said.

‘’I think so, thank you, that is really thoughtful.’’ Matt smiled.

‘’Want to give it a try?’’

‘’Yeah.’’ Matt admitted. His back and legs had been cramping up all day, probably because he was nervous about going home. Kelly got it out of the box for him and plugged it in beside the couch. Helping Matt move on top of it, Matt sighed from relief.

‘’Oh this is really good.’’

‘’It’s yours now, we can put it in bed for you as well tonight.’’

‘’Sounds good.’’ Matt smiled.

‘’Was thinking after dinner we finish the presents, get the bath running, I’ll give you a massage and we can watch another Christmas movie in bed.’’

‘’Sounds like a perfect Christmas.’’ Matt smiled. Kelly got the Christmas dinner that Cindy had prepped for them and warmed it up so that they could eat. He got the little table for Casey so he could eat more easily and sat down beside him, putting the plate down for him. Watching some Christmas movie on TV, Kelly looked aside, Matt eating most of the plate, slowly but surely.

‘’You good?’’ Kelly asked as he stopped eating.

‘’Yeah, I think I am done, was good though.’’ Matt smiled. Kelly was glad he had eaten most of his plate. Cleaning up, he handed Matt some more gifts to unwrap.

Looking from the kitchen, he looked as Matt struggled. It was hard to see him like this. 5 months after the accident and they still lived in uncertainty how things were going to be for Matt. It seemed likely now he would never get near the fitness level he was before, and his fine motor skills could possibly never get better. But Kelly believed Matt would keep working, and still would get a lot better.

Unwrapping the rest of the presents, Matt was finally smiling, looking really comfortable on the heated pad that he already said was doing wonders for his back. He got some more clothes – mostly because he knew he had lost so much weight. He got books from the firehouse to read in the hospital and he did appreciate it. Kelly’s last two gifts from Matt were some fancy cigars and a small leather bracelet.

‘’I like it, thanks so much.’’ Kelly smiled. Matt pulled the chair closer. His hand was shaking worse now after unwrapping all the gifts, but he shook his head as Kelly wanted to help him. Putting his right leg on the ground, he quickly moved from the couch to his wheelchair.

‘’Nicely done.’’

‘’Probably not gonna get any more done tonight.’’ Matt panted, but smiling. Kelly pushed the wheelchair towards the bedroom and helped Matt sit on the edge of the bed. As he went to pick up the new heating pad for Matt, Matt was trying to get undressed. Walking into the bedroom, Matt had his shirt stuck on his head and Kelly came to help him.

‘’Well, almost had it.’’ Matt sighed.

‘’Well, you are really getting better.’’ Kelly said as he was helping him get undressed. His arms were shaking.

‘’Are you cold or spasms?’’ Kelly asked concerned.

‘’Spasms.’’ Matt mumbled, a bit upset Kelly had to see him like this.

‘’Alright, I’ll get the bath going.’’ Kelly said as he walked to the bathroom, Matt still sitting at the edge of the bed. It was hard to see him like this honestly. He was looking skinny, and he looked upset about the spasms. He walked to the kitchen, grabbing a beer for each of them.

‘’Got us some beers.’’ He said as Matt was trying to move back on the bed.

‘’Thanks.’’ Matt took his, not saying anything about Kelly already had taken a few sips out so his shaking hand didn’t throw everything out of the bottle. For a second he thought about mentioning to Kelly he was on antidepressants, and he shouldn't drink, but he didn't want Kelly to be worried even more, or talk about it. Chatting about how glad both of them were Matt was home now, they almost forgot the running tub.

‘’Can you walk?’’

‘’Not sure.’’

‘’Mason said you can do it, plus I am here to help you.’’

‘’How many dates have you had with my therapist?’’ Matt asked as he laid his hands around Kelly’s neck and Kelly helped him on his feet, holding his arms around him as Matt tried to set a step. His foot was rolling over and Kelly caught him before he could fall.

‘’Just get the chair.’’

‘’No, you can walk.’’ Kelly tried to encourage him. Helping Matt up again, he looked as Matt set his shaking leg forward, but almost fell again.

‘’Whatever Kel, just let me fall if you are that eager for it.’’ Matt said upset, Kelly lifting him up and carrying him to the bathroom.

‘’Sorry, I just wanted to-‘’

‘’I know, sorry.’’ Matt said as Kelly sat him down to the edge of the bath, helping him get his underwear off and helping him into the tub. Matt felt a bit self-conscious about the large scar on his lower abdomen, trying to lower his hand to cover it.

‘’Some of the guys at the firehouse asked if we wanted to come to Molly’s on new years eve. I know it’s a bit of a stretch but we can always drop by for a few hours.’’ Kelly tried to lighten his mood.

‘’I like that – but yeah, I don’t think I can sit it out till 12.’’ Matt mumbled.

‘’We can go and see for how long we wanna stay.’’

‘’Sounds good.’’ Matt smiled, Kelly very carefully massaging his shoulders and neck. He was just glad to be home now with Kelly, even though he knew there was still a long road ahead.

‘’Kel – thanks for being there for me all this time – I know it is not going to be easy, even now….but I am really grateful I have you.’’ Matt sighed as he felt the most relaxed he had had in months.

‘’Ofcourse babe – I am so happy to have you too.’’ Kelly smiled, laying his arm around Matt, kissing him on top of his wet hair. It grown a bit longer now that Matt had been too busy to have it cut, but Kelly loved the fluffy blonde locks. 

Soon he wanted to get out of the tub again, Kelly putting a towel down on his wheelchair, which he had gotten as he was worried Matt would really fall this time.

‘’Better not got the rental wheelchair wet.’’ Kelly said concerned.

‘’I already paid for it.’’ Matt admitted as he got up from the tub, Kelly holding him. ‘’With the money from the settlement.’’

‘’Matt-‘’

‘’I can’t go without any time soon, plus it was adjusted to suit me anyway.’’ Matt sighed. ‘’Look Kelly, I wanna be positive, but I knew damn well this could be reality.’’

‘’Sounds like a plan, but you better not get too comfortable in that chair.’’ Kelly said as he dried his hair.

‘’If this is going to be it – can we do this?’’ Matt asked concerned, and for a second Kelly thought Matt looked like a hurt puppy as Kelly stopped drying of his hair and crouched down by his side.

‘’Yeah, we can.’’ Kelly promised him. ‘’Always.’’

Sharing a kiss, Kelly helped Matt back to bed, laying together, not paying much mind to the Christmas movie shown on the TV as they laid in each other’s army. Kelly felt Matt tremble just a bit, but he seemed a lot better after the bath.

Honestly, he had his doubts about if they would be able to manage with the two of them. He hoped Matt would live up on his promise they would look for help tomorrow.

But holding him close, he was just grateful to still have him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A long chapter! Wooh, this chapter would just not end hehe! I hope you enjoyed the big change for their story and their christmas eve....but some more drama is definately lurring! ;) Thanks so much for reading, would love to hear what you think and hopefully till next chapter! :)


	13. New Years Eve

Matt had not brought up the caregiver situation on Christmas day.

Kelly imagined that he would blame it on forgetting it on the brain damage if he brought it up, so he saved the talks for when he would go back on shift. Maybe Matt needed a moment to adjust to everything that was going on. 

The few days he had been back home, they had fallen into a routine. Kelly went to make breakfast as Matt woke up, taking his time to get out of back. Just like everything in his life now, it took a lot more time.

Kelly looked as he stumbled into the kitchen, holding onto the walker and just making it to the chair before collapsing onto it.

‘’Good job.’’

‘’Almost fell again.’’

‘’Yesterday you did, today you didn’t.’’ Kelly smiled, putting the plate of pancakes in front of him. Matt wanted to say something about the fact Kelly had already cut the pancakes in small bits for him so it was easier to eat, but decided not to pick the fight. Grabbing the fork, he started eating as Kelly put down a plate for himself as well, but walking to the calendar then.

‘’So you have the CT scan the 2nd, physical and psycho? Nothing tomorrow?’’ Kelly checked the calendar after putting a cup of milk down for Matt.

‘’How would I know?’’ Matt shrugged with so much incoordination he almost dropped the cup of milk from his hand.

‘’They are your appointments.’’

‘’I forget about them, that’s why I got you.’’ Matt argued.

‘’Touché.’’ Kelly chuckled. ‘’Your memory has been getting better though, but-’’

‘’Here we go.’’ Matt rolled his eyes.

‘’Matt, I know you don’t want a caregiver, but I can’t go to shift knowing damn well you are alone and will forget your meds.’’ Kelly said as he sat down with Matt.

‘’Okay, we can look into it tomorrow.’’

‘’Sure, if you promise me we will talk about it.’’ Kelly got very serious.

‘’We will.’’ Matt promised. ‘’If you are not too hungover.’’

‘’Can’t make any guarantees about that.’’ Kelly joked, knowing well the new year’s party could get out of hand.

 

* * *

 

A bit nervous, they made their way to Molly’s. Matt noticed they had already made a ramp for him with some wooden planks.  

Kelly got up first to open the doors, helping Matt with his wheelchair.

‘’Hey everybody.’’ Matt said a bit nervous.

Matt made his way to the table with the wheelchair and looked around a bit nervous.

‘’How – how are you doing.’’ Cruz broke the silence.

‘’Not great.’’ Matt admitted. ‘’I am still getting better – but it is slow and tedious.’’

Laying his hands on the table, he looked a bit self-conscious as they looked at his shaking left hand. Even after the few pushes against the wheels of his wheelchair, his hands were giving up.

‘’We are super glad you are here tonight, wouldn’t be a party without you.’’ Boden smiled.

Kelly walked to the bar, taking the two beers from Herrmann. As Matt was looking a bit nervous, he poured some out of on one of the glasses for Matt. Putting it in front of him, the rest tried not to look as Matt  struggled to bring up the glass to his mouth, even with both hands. It was unfair, only because of some specks on his brain it had decided to give the right signals to his body.

Tony got up to get everybody some more drinks.

‘’Another beer?’’ he asked Matt, not too sure.

‘’Nah, I don’t need to get any more uncoordinated and sluggish. Just a water will do.’’ Matt answered.

The group broke up after a bit, Kelly walking to the bar to do shots with Capp. Looking back at Matt was a while, he noticed he was alone.

‘’You still fine?’’ Kelly asked concerned, noticing Matt wasn’t mingling as much, but he did seem to have a good time.

‘’Just resting the old brain, but I am good, having a good time.’’ Matt assured him. Kelly brought him another water, leaving him be then. He was glad to see that soon Matt was chatting with Cruz, looking up at Kelly with a smile every now and then.  

At twelve, Kelly sat down on his lap, kissing him.

‘’Happy new year babe.’’

‘’Happy new year.’’ Matt smiled, kissing him again.

Herrmann was giving out champagne, even having some glasses without alcohol for Matt and some others. As some of them made a toast, suddenly looked at Matt.

‘’Happy new year everybody.’’ Matt smiled, knowing he was a lucky boy to even celebrate new years after everything that happened.

Not too long after midnight, they got a taxi home. Matt was so tired by the time they got there, Kelly had to undress him on the bed. Both of them couldn’t stop giggling, Kelly because he was drunk, and Matt because of Kelly.

He didn’t get past getting rid of his jeans and shoes before stumbling to his own side of the bed, and Matt looked aside as Kelly had fallen asleep fully dressed. Struggling to sit up as he still needed to take his medication, the tried to get up. Putting his glasses away on the nightstand, he tried to get up to get back in his wheelchair, which Kelly had pushed out of the way  during his adventurous stumble to the other side of the bed. Deciding to just go to sleep in the clothes he was still wearing, he knew it would probably come back to bite him in the ass.  

A stinging pain went through his back and neck and he laid down on the bed, his pillow missing as Kelly had grabbed it, his arms wrapped around it like he usually held Matt.

‘’Kel, I need that pillow.’’ Matt tried to take it, but there was no way he would be able to pull it from between Kelly’s arms. His neck started to hurt worse now that it was unsupported. He had had that pillow specifically made to help with the neck pain.

Kelly just grunted something.

‘’’Kel?’’

Kelly snored even louder, Matt trying to move a bit on the bed, but it only caused his neck to hurt worse.

Kelly woke up as Matt was shaking on the bed.

‘’Matt?’’ He asked concerned, switching on the light. Matt’s back was arched and his legs were shaking. Even though Kelly had had ample beers, he sobered up fully now.

‘’Spas- Spasms are bad. You took my pillow – my neck -’’ Matt mumbled softly, trying to keep the tears from streaming down his cheek.

‘’What do I do?’’

‘’I don’t know.’’ Matt sighed, Kelly pulling him against him. Carefully he lifted Matt up, carrying him to the bath tub, getting the water running. Even though he did not feel great, it was working for his legs and back.

Matt looked tired, and even though Kelly was rubbing over his neck, he didn’t seem to feel any more comfortable.

‘’Want me to call your doctor – or the hospital?’’ Kelly asked worried.

‘’Try medicine and bath first.’’ Matt sighed, not wanting to spend the first night of the new year in the hospital. Kelly sat with him for a while and went to get them both some tea then. Handing him the mug, he helped Matt sit up a bit in the bath, helping him swallow the medication as well. About half an hour later, Kelly carried Matt back to bed, carefully laying him on the heated blanket and making sure he was comfortable. The spams had gotten less, and Matt mostly just seemed exhausted now.

‘’Want me to get you an-‘’

‘’No, come here.’’ Matt said, raising his shaking hand and trying to pull Kelly against him.

‘’I am sorry.’’ Kelly mumbled softly, caressing over his hair.

‘’You didn’t do it on purpose – it was fun to see you like that – but it is easy to displease my brains and body now.’’

’’Shitty start of the year.’’ Kelly still felt bad. He knew he should have been more responsible. Going out and getting drunk like before wasn’t an option anymore, not while Matt still depended on him at home.

‘’Means it can only get better.’’ Matt mumbled, dozing off.

Kelly didn’t sleep the rest of the night, going into the new year with a whole lot of worries.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I have another update of another story coming up in an hour as well if you read all of my stories as I haven't updated in a few days! Thank you so much for reading and please let me know what you thought!


	14. The Blackhawks

 

Kelly had worked his first shift again since New Years. He was nervous to see what he would find at home.

Even though he and Matt had talked about Matt needing to get a carer while Kelly was on shift, even if it was just for the morning and the evening, Matt had not wanted to talk about it, or even look at some applications.

Even though he was home, Matt seemed to be a lot more down than before, or Kelly caught more wind of it. He was constantly down, not wanting to leave the bed, or wanting to skip his therapy. Kelly tried to lift his spirits, but sometimes there was nothing to be done than not pick the fight.

Walking into the house, he heard Matt call his name. Concerned he walked to the bedroom, finding Matt on the floor.

‘’What-‘’

‘’I fell.’’ Matt said. His arm was under his body and he couldn’t move.

‘’Matt-‘’

‘’Save the talk for some other time.’’ Matt just said and carefully Kelly helped him up. Helping Matt lay down on the bed, putting the heated blanket on.

‘’Your neck okay – your back?’’

‘’Sore, but I will be fine.’’ Matt assured him. He had wanted to go to the bathroom to grab some water, but had fallen down. Kelly looked concerned as his shaking hands.

‘’Are you sure you are okay? I am worried you hurt your neck or back-‘’

‘’Stop it, Kel! I told you I am fine.’’ Matt lashed out, feeling bad as Kelly walked away to grab him some water.

‘’How long have you been on the floor?’’ Kelly asked concerned as he handed him a cup of water.

‘’About an hour.’’ Matt admitted. Kelly was caressing over his legs.

‘’You slept okay last night?’’

‘’Not really.’’ Matt admitted. ‘’I missed you.’’

‘’How about we go do something fun today after we both took a nap?’’ Kelly offered.

‘’Sounds like a plan.’’ Matt smiled. Kelly laid down with him, his arms around him as they both fell into a content slumber.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

The next day, Kelly found him having one of the worst days in a long time. It wasn’t just the pain getting him down, but the depression Matt had fought so hard against after the divorce seemed to kick back in full force now.

‘’You should at least get out of bed today.’’ Kelly said, standing in the doorway. Matt was awake, but laying curled up in the dark.

‘’No point getting up.’’ Matt mumbled softly. Kelly walked towards the bed, sitting down on the edge and caressing over his head.

‘’You didn’t get this far to stay in bed all day and not attend you therapy that helps you with your recovery, Matt.’’ He spoke softly.

‘’Sometimes I wish I hadn’t woken up from that coma.’’ Matt mumbled after a few seconds of silence.

Kelly’ chest tightened as he heard those words.

‘’Matt..’’

‘’I am glad I have you…and so grateful… but…the pain and my body…’’

‘’Don’t say that please.’’ Kelly said, caressing over his head.

‘’I am sorry.’’ Matt said softly, he didn’t want to hurt Kelly, but those words had just come out.

‘’Come on, let’s get out of bed, you’ll feel better.’’ Kelly promised him. Helping Matt up, he helped him get in the shower, sitting down on the bed then.

Grabbing his phone, he texted around, trying to think of something fun to do. He hoped it would cheer Matt up at least a little bit.

‘’Kel?’’

Walking to the bathroom, Matt was standing against the side of the shower, the shower off and Kelly handed him a towel, helping him step out of the shower. Helping him dry off and sit down on the edge of the bed, Kelly helped him get dressed.

‘’Matt- I really don’t mind helping you when I am at home, but I really need you to look into a carer for when I am at work. You can’t manage on your own, and I worry a lot.’’ Kelly finally said, knowing that he had to tell Matt, that he had to get Matt to finally look into it. He understood that it was not easy, but if Matt kept refusing, he had to stop working, most likely.

‘’I am worried that – that if you go back to work and you don’t need to take care of me – you might want to leave me.’’ Matt admitted worried.

It had been on his mind all these days, that when Kelly got back to his old life, he might not want to be with him anymore.

‘’Matt – ofcourse I would leave you. Never. I just want to make sure you are okay when I am at work.’’

‘’You will never leave me?’’ Matt asked worried. ‘’I know I have been shit – I’ve just been…I have not given you the love you deserve. You constantly have to look after me and I am giving you a lot more than you can chew.’’

‘’Matt, you have been perfect. You have been so strong – but you have been so sweet as well, being patient when I mess up your care routines.’’

Matt chuckled for a second, thinking about the things that had gone wrong the first few days.

‘’Please don’t be scared about me leaving you. I love you.’’ Kelly said.

‘’Alright.’’ Matt said, and they shared a kiss. Evne though he was content for now, he was still worried he was giving Kelly a lot more shit on his plate then he could handle. 

‘’So you are getting a carer?’’ Kelly hoped to finally put his worried to rest.

‘’Fine.’’ Matt finally agreed.

 

* * *

 

 

A week later, they made their way towards the United center for the match of the tickets Matt had given Kelly when he was in the hospital. They parked nearby, Kelly helping Matt out of the car.

‘’It ehm – I got general admission Kelly.’’ Matt said. ‘’I figured you’d go with somebody else – or I’d be back on my feet.’’

‘’Are you going to be okay?’’

‘’Yeah.’’ Matt said, Kelly holding him close as they made their way down to the stadium. Some people looked at them, Matt struggling as he put his feet down. Kelly kept holding him, worried he would fall. Finally they made it their seats, which were luckily by the aisle. Sitting down, Kelly walked back up to grab some drinks and Matt tried to stop his legs from shaking.

Months ago, he had bought these tickets, so sure that he would be back on his feet, but now he had only made it here because Kelly had held him.

Enjoying the match, Matt forgot about the problems they had had getting into the stadium. Kelly was holding his hand, smiling as he looked aside. He was so grateful Matt had gotten them these tickets.

He had a gift for Matt in his pocket as well. But he was so nervous to give it.

He wanted to give Matt his heart, his life, everything. He wanted to spend his life with him. Be with him the bad days, show that he would be here for him, always.

Even when Matt had his bad days, he wanted to be there. It wasn’t always easy, especially not when Matt didn’t even want to get out of bed, or his anger or sadness got the better of him. Or when he got frustrated because he was forgetting things and his brain was a mess.  He wanted to be there for him those days as well.

Moments like these, were so good between them, even with all the shit Matt was going through, that they shared these happy moments, even when things were not perfect. But it was perfect enough for him.

But he was still scared Matt was not ready for it. Not after his divorce.

The evening got even better when the Blackhawks won the match. Kelly helped Matt up, standing beside their seats as they let people by, Matt too nervous he would fall on the stairs between the crowd.

Holding Matt, the people passed Kelly. His legs were shaking.

‘’want me to walk to the car and your chair?’’ Kelly asked as most of the people had left.

‘’No, come on, let’s go.’’

Holding Kelly close, Matt put one foot in front of the other, struggling on the stairs. Even though Kelly tried to help him, his legs were giving in. He had walked further than he had ever managed in therapy now, but he did not have much of a choice. At least not until the entry.

At the entry, he couldn’t walk any further and Kelly told him to sit down on the steps in front of the stadium as Kelly walked to the car to get the wheelchair.

Sitting down on the steps in the front, he looked as Kelly walked to the car to get his wheelchair. His legs and back were aching and even though he had managed to make it down here, he started to whimper now. He tried not to start crying from the pain as he knew Kelly would be back within a minute.

Kelly came walking back, Matt wanting to get back he did not have the wheelchair with him,.  

‘’Can you help me-‘’ Matt wanted to ask, not being able to get up from the low step.

‘’Matt, there is something I wanted to ask you during the match – but the timing wasn’t right… but after everything that happened…I want to spend my life with you.’’ Kelly interrupted him.

‘’Kel-‘’

Before Matt realized what was going, Kelly got down on one knee, taking Matt’s hand.

‘’Will you marry me?’’  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you did like that ending! But what will Matt say? And isn't Kelly biting of more than he can chew? Hope you enjoyed this chapter and please let me know what you thought!


	15. Breaking Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I have bene super busy at my new job but will try to update more often again. I have some more chapters of this story prewritten now. Thank you so much for reading and please le tme know what you think!

Kelly tried notto hold it against Matt as they sat in the car for the drive back. They hadn’t spoken since Matt had finally said no to the proposal. He had helped Matt back in his wheelchair and in the car in silence, not sure what to say.

‘’Kel I am really sorry.’’ Matt was the first to break the silence.

‘’It’s okay, it was a question, you were allowed to say no.’’ Kelly said, not looking at him.

None of them dared say anything as they made their way home. Matt felt bad, wanting to make it up, but he knew he had messed up by saying no to the proposal. He had wanted to say yes, but knew it wasn’t fair to Kelly.

He still felt the hurt and the scars from his failed relationships before, and as he was starting to feel worse and worse, he did not want to drag Kelly down with him.

Every day it was harder to carry on, the pain in his body, his anger at the driver and finding all the little things he needed help with.

Kelly parked the car by their door, helping Matt out of the car. Inside, he was not sure what to say. He was disappointed with Matt and even though he knew Matt was allowed to turn his proposal down, it still had hurt him.

‘’I am going to take a short walk.’’ Kelly said, grabbing his jacket and walking out. Listening as Kelly shut the door, Matt looked down at the floor. Tears filled his eyes. There was nothing he could do to make this better, or save this night. It had been a nice one, but he wished that Kelly had not proposed. He could have said yes, but the last thing he wanted was to lead him on.

Getting ready for bed, Matt struggled, but the last thing he wanted was to not be ready yet and Kelly having to help him when he came back. Moving to the bed, he pulled his legs into the bed, his legs shaking. Probably because Matt felt upset, wanting to make things better with Kelly, even though he knew he couldn’t make it any better.

Matt had just laid down in bed when Kelly returned. Kelly left the light out, silently getting ready for bed as well. Pretending to be asleep, Matt listened to Kelly, hearing him sob softly. His stomach turning, there was still nothing he could say to make things better.

 

* * *

 

The next few days, things were finally going a bit better. Even though Kelly still felt hurt, he tried to just not think of the proposal. Matt had not brought it up again. Soon they fell back into their own rhythm, Kelly doing his shifts while Matt had his therapy.

Kelly was proud as Matt was walking through the house more often now. He was walking slowly and unstable, it was a good start and Kelly still believed he would get back on his feet.

Although the brain damage would never fully go away, he was just glad that Matt was still recovering more and getting better.  

Soon their 1,5 year relation anniversary came around. They would not have celebrated it, but Kelly thought they should with the rocky few months they had had.

Kelly had tried to persuade them to go to a restaurant for celebrating their 1 and half year relationship as they had missed their year while Matt was in the rehabilitation center, but Matt had refused. He was worried about embarrassing himself in a restaurant and even though Kelly tried to tell him it would be fine, he kept refusing.

They settled on getting some take out so Matt could eat it in the comfort of his own home.

Kelly looked aside as he was making a mess eating his burrito, holding it in his shaking hands, a lot of the contents falling out.

‘’This is why I didn’t want to go out.’’ Matt complained as he saw Kelly looking at him.

‘’Matt, you know I don’t care if you make a mess.’’ Kelly said worried. The state of sadness and anger Matt was constantly in was breaking him up. All he wanted was to see him happy.

‘’But I do.’’ Matt tossed the burrito on his plate, feeling he was making a fool of himself.

‘’Look, I am making a mess too.’’ Kelly pointed at his plate.

‘’It’s nice though.’’ Matt just mumbled, not wanting to ruin the night again.

‘’Glad to hear – hey Matt, we are okay, right?’’ Kelly asked concerned. Neither of them had brought up the proposal again and even though Kelly was mortified and he just wanted to move on, but it was bothering him.

‘’I – I think so.’’ Matt looked up, worried.  ‘’I know I messed up with the proposal but-‘’

‘’It is fine, your divorce isn’t that long ago, I shouldn’t have asked.’’ Kelly just said, taking Matt’s hand.

‘’I know I didn’t want to go out for dinner tonight, but if you want we can still go somewhere.’’ Matt offered, not sure what Kelly would like, but feeling he had to do something to make things better.

‘’Like what?’’

‘’A club maybe, like we used to – I won’t be dancing but-‘’

‘’I’d be driving, so what would we be doing at the club if were not dancing or drinking?’’ Kelly asked.

‘’Yeah, I guess it wouldn’t be that fun.’’ Matt just mumbled.

Silent, they stared at the TV, both of them feeling more miserable by the minute.

 

* * *

 

A week later, Matt was finally going to try something new. After some persuasion by his therapist and Kelly, he signed up for a wheelchair basketball training.

Even though he barely played around the firehouse as he always wanted to keep an air of professionality, something he had always done since he had become a lieutenant so early, Kelly knew Matt did like playing basketball, even having played it in high school.

‘’You okay?’’

‘’Nervous.’’

‘’Come on, it will be nice.’’ Kelly promised him. Matt finally nodded and Kelly handed him his bag. A bit nervous, Matt moved inside, towards the dressing room he got pointed at by somebody.

Kelly started to drive again, driving towards Molly’s. He wasn’t planning on drinking anything as he would pick up Matt here in 1,5 hour, but he felt like he needed to get out of the house as well. Parking nearby and walking inside, the bar was mostly empty beside Herrmann behind the bar and some guys he didn’t know at the table in the corner.

‘’A beer?’’

‘’Nah, gotta pick up Matt in about an hour, he is trying out wheelchair basketball.’’ Kelly explained as he sat down on one of the chairs at the bar.

‘’How are you and Matt?’’

‘’We are good.’’ Kelly just mumbled.

‘’I am really proud how you two have been getting through this. Your relationship was pretty fresh when Matt got into the accident – and you stuck by his side.’’

‘’Yeah.’’ Kelly just said. He was still happy with Matt, but with the refusal after the proposal and Matt lashing out at him constantly, they were struggling. But he did not want to bring that up now.

Driving back towards the gym just a while later, Matt was waiting outside of him, looking tired but excited.

‘’You look good.’’ Kelly smiled, feeling a bit hopeful Matt looked cheerful.

‘’It was actually really good.’’ Matt smiled. Glad to finally see his boyfriend smile again, Kelly hoped this meant things were looking up.

The next day, his body caught up with him and Kelly woke up concerned as Matt was in a lot of pain after the wheelchair basketball training, shaking in their bed.

‘’Want a hand getting out of bed?’’

‘’No.’’ Matt just mumbled, curled up on the heating pad. A shooting pain kept through his back and neck and he whimpered when Kelly laid his hand on him. His legs were shaking as well and Kelly wanted to help him turn to help him get more comfortable but instead Matt groaned again.

‘’Want me to call you doctor.’’

‘’No.’’ Matt just mumbled, gripping the pillow.

‘’Well what do you want me to do?’’ Kelly asked concerned.

‘’Just leave me alone.’’ Matt groaned, not wanting Kelly here right now.

‘’Matt-‘’ Kelly said hurt, upset Matt was yelling at him again.

‘’Go!’’ Matt said angry, the pain getting worse.

‘’Matt, I don’t think I can do this anymore….’’


	16. Empty homes, empty hearts

 

Within a few days, Matt had moved out of the apartment. It had been bittersweet. Matt realized that he had pushed Kelly too far, and Kelly realized that even though he loved Matt so much, this wasn’t working for them.

They made some vague promises about maybe trying again someday. But as soon as the last boxes with Matt’s stuff had left the apartment, neither of them had been in contact. Returning to work like nothing had happened, Kelly even picked up some extra shifts so he did not have to return to the empty house as often.

Herrmann was still in regular contact with Matt the following weeks, and sometimes he’d mention something. Sometimes Kelly suspected him of doing it on purpose.

‘’Matt finally found an apartment. It’s not too far from here. Should be good for him. Said he might drop by Molly’s sometime soon.’’

Looking at Kelly, Kelly just shrugged.

‘’Good for him. He probably won’t though.’’

In the last month, Kelly hadn’t known what had been going on Matt’s life. But he knew him well enough to know that Matt was probably never gonna show up at Molly’s.

Standing up and walking to his office, he took his phone from his pocket. Opening Matt’s contact, he thought of calling. Just catch up, hear if he had really moved, where he lived now.

But he also figured that being contact would only make things messier. Typing a message, he wrote a whole paragraph, but immediately deleted the message. Staring out of the window, he just hoped that Matt was doing well.

 

* * *

 

Matt sat on the edge of his bed. He felt tired and debilitated after having had a terrible night. It had been so bad that he had needed to call the nurse at about 3am. His back had been really bad after he had moved some stuff yesterday. Moving his stuff in properly took a lot longer than expected. It was a month since he and Kelly had broken up and 2 weeks since he moved in here, but with his poor health and chronic pain his stuff moved around really slow.

Besides that, he had barely any furniture and with that barely no place to store things, most of it was in boxes on the floor.

He heard a knock on the door, followed by a key and slowly one of his carers, Michelle, came walking in.

‘’Hey, just wanted to check on you after last night.’’ She said from the hallway, knocking on the bedroom door.

‘’Yeah, I am fine.’’ He said, pulling himself up on the window sill and walked to the door, slowly.

‘’Was thinking I’d get some food going for you.’’

‘’I am not hungry.’’ Matt said as he opened the bedroom door.

‘’I think you should eat something.’’ She told him, Matt shrugging, wincing as neck immediately protested. Even with his protest she walked to the kitchen and he heard her opening the fridge.

‘’You know when you leave a shopping list out we will get it for you if you don’t want to go yourself.’’ She called, Matt ignoring it as he walked to the bathroom.

It wasn’t his choice to move here, but his therapist had threatened he would need to go back to the rehab center if he hadn’t moved to a serviced apartment like this.

On the sink was the medication he was supposed to take this morning, left by one of the staff members, and quickly he grabbed them, throwing them down the drain before Michelle would see them. It was something he easily forgot but he didn’t want another speech.

He finished up his business in the bathroom and started making his way to the kitchen, he picked up some warm socks from his wardrobe as his feet were getting cold.

‘’Can you help me out with these?’’ He asked as he made his way to the kitchen, Michelle, the care assistant nodding.

‘’Look, I know you don’t want another speech, but I had to get the refill for your antidepressants this morning. I know the amounts don’t match up Matt. You are not taking them.’’ She said concerned as Matt sad down and she took his shoes off.

‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’Well, you were supposed to be out when you moved in, and you are still not out. You’re not taking them every day like you should. ‘’ She told him, pulling the warm socks over his feet.

 ‘’Must’ve forgotten a few. My brain is a mess.’’ Matt just mumbled.

‘’I know, how about I come up with something so you can remember more easily.’’ Michelle said. She was clearly not buying into his excuse, but the last thing she wanted was push away the man even more.

‘’Sure.’’ Matt just said, moving towards the living room and staring out of the window. Minutes past, not wanting to talk to Michelle.

‘’I left some pasta pesto on the table for you. There is another container in the fridge.’’ She said, looking as he was staring off in the distance. 

‘’Thanks.’’

‘’Call me if you need anything.’’ She told him as she made her way towards the front door again.

The kitchen smelt nice and Matt did decide to at least try and eat a little.

Taking a few bites, he took his phone from his pocket, laying it down on the table as he not very skillfully went through his old texts with Kelly. Missing him so much, he thought about calling Kelly, but knew that he had messed it up.

On the kitchen table were also booklets that his therapist had given him. Mostly of sport clubs he could join and other activities. Out of sheer boredom, he picked up some of the pamphlets. Tossing some of them aside, he stopped when he came across one listing online courses. Maybe there was something out there for him still.

 

* * *

 

Switching the lights on, Kelly walked into the empty, lonely apartment. Every nook, cranny and item in here reminded him of his life with Matt. Even after a whole month, the apartment felt eerily empty.

Even after a month, he was still not sure if he was right for breaking up with him. He missed him so much, but also knew neither of them could be blamed for the shit that had happened between them. Matt couldn’t help the way he acted after the brain injury, and because of all the pain. Kelly on his side felt he needed to get some of life back. He loved Matt and still did. But it did not seem to work out.

Looking around the cold apartment, he thought of selling it, moving somewhere else as well, somewhere where he did not have to think about Matt all the time.

He tried not to ponder too much about how things would have been if Matt had just been driving down that cursed road 5 minutes later, if the driver had not plowed the side of his truck.

Taking his phone again, he thought about sending Matt a message again. But putting his phone away then, he knew it was probably for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, i hoped you like this chapter. I know things seem a bit bleak between the two of them but who knows, maybe they will get back together. Please let me know what you thought and hopefully till next chapter!


	17. Three months

It was three months since he and Kelly had called it quits. For once he was excited to get up. Today his books for his engineering course would come in. Waiting in the living room, impatient for the delivery to arrive. His legs were shaking from nerves and excitement when the door finally opened, Michelle carrying a large heavy box.

‘’Blamo.’’ Michelle smiled proud as she put the box on the table and helped him open it. Excited Matt took some of the books out and Michelle was so glad to see the man excited about something.

‘’You should get a desk to study at. Want me to ask around?’’

‘’No, I asked a friend to help me make one.’’  Matt smiled. ‘’So it’s high enough to use with my wheelchair.’’

‘’That’s a great plan.’’  She smiled as she helped him unpack some of the stuff.

‘’My dad should see me now unpack this – He always said I was too stupid for college – and now I am attempting a university degree!’’ 

‘’So it’s all online?’’ Michelle asked as she helped him sort the books. It was great to see him glow with excitement and she hoped that it would start a new chapter of his life. Even if they didn’t expect him to finish the course because of his memory issues and the other problems he had because of the brain damage, they were glad he did have something to focus on.

‘’Some lectures at different venues in the city. I can attend them but they are more of an extra.’’

‘’Well Matt, I do think we need to do something about that hair of yours if you are attending any lectures.’’ Michelle admitted. His blonde hair had grown a lot longer, but was greasy and unkept.

‘’Yeah, I guess you are right about that.’’ Matt sighed.

‘’Do you have a favorite hair stylist? We can get an appointment set up.’’

‘’Kelly - my ex used to do it.’’ Matt looked down.

‘’Your ex-girlfriend.’’

‘’No, boyfriend.’’ Matt wanted to laugh at the confusion about his first name, but felt hurt even mentioning his name.

‘’Well my cousin is a hairdresser. If you’d like I can ask her.’’

‘’That would be, great thanks.’’ Matt said with a small smile.

‘’Alright, Ill leave you be. Josh is on shift tonight, give him a call if you want him to help you make dinner.’’

‘’I will.’’

Looking as she soon left him be, he look excited at the books. Taking his phone, he thought about calling Kelly, texting him. Even after three months, he was still not used to the fact he no longer had his lover, his boyfriend and his best friend to tell about the things going on in his life.

 

* * *

 

Kelly woke up in the morning, not sure what to do on his day off. Even after three months, his life felt oddly empty, without Matt. The other half of the bed was cold, the whole apartment felt cold. It was early spring, but when he looked outside he saw the weather was halfway decent.

Packing his stuff to go for a run, he decided to run around the neighborhood instead of by the lake.

Around the street he had heard Herrmann mention in the firehouse he slowed down a bit. The street with the apartment building Matt was living now.

It was by a large park and Kelly hoped that on his good days he would at least enjoy that. Looking around for the right number, he saw the building.

Doubting about what to do now, he knew he wanted to go inside but also knew that he could easily make things worse between them.

A bit nervous, he opened the door. Walking down the hallway, he looked around for staff. Not seeing anybody, he made his way towards number 3, as it had been the number Herrmann had mentioned.

Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door. After about half a minute, door was opened. But not by Matt, but by a woman.

‘’Hi, I might be at the wrong door – I am looking for Matt Casey.’’ Kelly explained.

‘’You are at the right place, but he isn’t home.’’ She said a bit surprised. ‘’You his friend? Family?’’

‘’We used to work together.’’ Kelly just sighed. ‘’Where is he?’’

‘’I don’t really feel comfortable telling you that – I am his caregiver – you know what, tell me your name, I’ll tell him you came by.’’ She offered.

‘’Nah, don’t bother. Haven’t seen him much since his accident so he probably won’t remember.’’ Kelly lied.

‘’You are one of the few people that actually came by here in three months. He will probably be happy to see you.’’

‘’I’ll come by another time.’’ Kelly just said, wanting to get away before Matt would come home.

‘’Kelly?’’ She finally asked.

Looking back surprised, Kelly was no sure how she knew his name.

‘’How-‘’

‘’Lucky guess.’’ She admitted. ‘’Matt mentions you sometimes.’’  

‘’Just wanted to see how he was doing.’’ Kelly shrugged, wanting to leave even more so now.

‘’He is in the hospital, should be home later today. If you wanna know why you should contact him yourself.’’ She explained.

‘’Alright, thanks for letting me know that.’’

‘’I know it is none of my business, but I think he really misses you.’’ She said as Kelly wanted to leave.

‘’I’ll contact him.’’ Kelly said as he was walking out, knowing deep down inside he most likely wouldn’t. Grabbing his phone, he thought about calling Matt to hear what was going on and why he was in the hospital. But if it was something bad, he was no sure if he could handle all of the stress and worries again.

 

* * *

 

Matt walked down a familiar street a few days later. He had been released from the hospital a week ago and getting back on his feet after his fall during physical therapy. His knee still hurt from falling, but walking wasn’t any harder than it had been for the past 9  months.

He held onto things along the way, stopping every now and then. Even though he was tired and felt sore, he wanted to be walking in as he had finally build up the courage to go to Molly’s. The two steps at the door were the hardest, but he felt achieved when he finally got inside.

‘’Good to see you on your feet.’’ Herrmann smiled after they greeted him, Matt shuffling towards the bar.

‘’Just barely, I am having a good day.’’ Matt admitted, sitting down quickly. His legs gave in on him more often than he wanted to admit, even causing the tumble last week.

‘’You look good.’’

Matt didn’t reply. He knew they were only saying it to be nice to him. Even with his hair cut two weeks ago, the beard on his chin was growing again and he knew he looked pale and tired. Hermann handed him a half empty glass of coke and Matt gladly took it. All the stories of the firefighters were weirdly comforting, he didn’t speak. He only needed to listen. Even though it tired him out, it was nice to be out of the house.

The door opened and Otis came walking in, looking around.

‘’Kelly not here ye-‘’ Only then, Otis noticed Matt sitting at the bar.

‘’I uh, I should get going, my ride should be here any second.’’ Matt said as he took his jacket.

‘’We can let Kell-‘’ Herrmann wanted to stop him from leaving.

‘’No, I should be going.’’ Matt said again. Walking towards the door, he gave a short wave and nod, sitting down on the curb as Josh wouldn’t be here for another half hour. His hands and legs were shaking and he was not sure if it was because of the long day, or the thought of Kelly seeing him like this. He looked up for a second as a group of man walked by him, worried Kelly would be one of them.

‘’Fuckin’ drunk.’’ The man hissed under his breath.

Looking down, Matt felt the tears fill his eyes and before he could stop it, they were streaming down his cheeks.

Kelly came walking into Molly now as well, looking surprised as everybody looked at him with large eyes, the whole bar silent.

‘’What?’’ He asked confused, not sure why people looked so startled.

‘’Matt was just here.’’

‘’Well he is not here now’’ Kelly sighed, not wanting to think about Matt. Sitting down he took the beer from Herrmann.

‘’He just left, probably about twenty minutes ago. We thought you might have seen him.’’

‘’If his cab was here, why would I have seen him.’’ Kelly shrugged.

‘’He didn’t look so great-‘’

‘’Gotta take a piss.’’ Kelly said as he got up, walking towards the bathroom, but quickly instead of walking through the bathroom doors, he walked to the kitchen.

Walking out through the back, he walked out towards the corner he guessed Matt would be picked up from. Walking around the corner he saw him indeed, sitting on the curb. He stood there for a minute, wanting to put a step towards Matt then, ask him if he was okay. He wasn’t sure, but he was pretty sure Matt was crying. The last few months, he had seen his shoulders shock like that so many times.

Just as he wanted to put his foot forward, a car stopped by Matt and a young man came walking out. Kelly looked as the men helped him up, Matt laying his arms around him and laid his face in the crook of the man’s neck, like he had done so many times before.

Feeling hurt, Kelly turned around, towards the Molly’s.

‘’You went out to see if Matt was still there?’’ Herrmann asked concerned, Kelly looking distraught.

‘’I am pretty sure he has moved on.’’ Kelly just said, chugging down the beer with his jacket still on and leaving the bar.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, and a bit of a longer this time! I hope you liked it and would love to hear what you think! Hope you didn't think the ending was too cheesy. Hopefully till next chapter!!


	18. Meeting again

Matt was a bit nervous about going for dinner with the Herrmann’s. It was not the way he looked, as Michelle had made it her goal of the week to make him look good for the diner. Soon he was dressed in jeans, a white button up shirt and his sneakers. He had shaven with some help from Michelle and his hair was well kept and styled again.

But he was nervous what they would think about him, how helpless he was and how he possibly would mess up while eating.

One of his carers, Josh, drove him to the Herrmann’s house. Helping him out of the car, Josh made sure he was stable on his feet before letting go of him.

‘’You alright?’’

‘’Yeah, yeah.’’ Matt smiled, Herrmann walking outside to help him inside.

Josh drove off and holding Herrmann’s arm, Casey and him made their way inside.

‘’Sorry I am so slow.’’ Casey told him, only concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other and not falling over.

‘’It’s alright, it’s good to see you walk.’’ Christopher told him.

Across the street, Kelly was looking at their slow walk into the house for just a few seconds. Immediately starting his car again, he drove off, without getting a good look at his ex-boyfriend.

 

* * *

 

He had not seen Matt in a full month after that. He had tried to call him once, but Matt had missed his call. After that, Matt had tried to call him back the next day, but he hadn’t taken the call himself.

It took another full month after the dinner before fate put them right in front of each other again.

Matt was just taking his coffee cup from the barista, as Kelly came walking in to get his.

Matt didn’t see him at first, and Kelly took his sweet time getting a good luck at him. He looked pretty damn terrible – Kelly couldn’t find any kinder words to describe the weary look on his face. He was sporting a beard and Kelly wondered if he even bothered getting out of bed most of the days. Matt turned his wheelchair now, his hands shaking and looking surprised when he saw Kelly standing at the door.

‘’Hey.’’ Kelly finally managed to mutter.

‘’Hi.’’ Matt said back, awkwardly.

‘’How are you-‘’

‘’Want to walk with me?’’ Matt offered him, not wanting to talk the shit that had been left unspilled out in a coffeeshop.

‘’Sure.’’ Kelly nodded as he opened the door for Matt. The first minute, quietly making their way on the sidewalk, neither of them said anything. Finally Kelly broke the silence.

‘’You can’t – you can’t walk anymore?’’

‘’I can, a lot better actually, but if I walk with a cup of coffee in my hand I will just end up home with an empty cup cause of the spasms.’’ Matt laughed self-deprecating.

‘’So what are you up too?’’ Kelly tried to keep conversation light as he walked beside Matt.

‘’Spend some time consulting on construction job. Just spend most of my time working out and trying to gain control of my body.’’ Matt mumbled. Even though he also spend a lot of time on his studies, he didn’t want to mention it as he was still worried he would fail.

‘’You look pretty good.’’

‘’Not really, keep losing weight – I know I don’t look good Kelly – you don’t have to be nice about it.’’ 

‘’I think you do look better.’’ Kelly told him again. They were at the block Matt’ lived, Kelly stopping walking.

‘’Want to see my new apartment?’’ Matt offered. Even though he and Kelly had broken up, it was nice to finally be around somebody again. He spend most of his time away at home, and sometimes went days without speaking to anybody besides the carer looking after him.

Besides that he had missed Kelly so much, and he was worried if he and Kelly went their separate ways again, he would

‘’Yeah, sure.’’ Kelly smiled as he followed Matt inside. They made their way into a low rise flat and Matt opened one of the doors on the first floor.

‘’It is not finished yet.’’ Matt said. The living room was empty besides a couch and a table, plus a tv hung on the wall. It was slightly tilted and Kelly knew how much that would annoy Matt every second he looked at it.

‘’I didn’t even do that myself – not my fault that it’s so tilted.’’ Matt joked as he saw Kelly look. Struggling, he got up from the wheelchair as he tried to work in his house

‘’Want me to fix it?’’

‘’You don’t have to.’’

‘’I don’t mind.’’

‘’Alright.’’ Matt 

Matt walked with him, struggling. Sitting down on the couch, he looked as Kelly was trying to straighten the TV.

‘’So, how have you been?’’ Matt asked, switching the heating pad on. He was so nervous suddenly with Kelly here, and he hoped that it would stop his hands and legs from spasming too much.

‘’Hanging on – really missed you to be honest.’ ’Kelly said, stopping fixing the tv to look at Matt.

‘’I really missed you too.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’Haven’t been dating?’’

‘’No. You?’’

‘’No.’’ Kelly said, a bit relieved to hear that Matt had not moved on, like he thought he had. Kelly managed to straighten out the tv – Matt was pretty sure he had just bend the mental frame, but didn’t mind.

As much as it felt a bit awkward being together again, it felt nice to be in each other’s company and both of them seemed to forget a bit about the 5 months they had been apart.

Matt got up to show Kelly the rest of his apartment. He was holding the wall as he walked in front of Kelly. He walked slowly, but Kelly was glad to see him have the confidence to walk again, even though his legs and knees were shaking.

Opening a door, Matt showed him the bedroom. It was just a bed with a messy wardrobe. Kelly’s eye fell on the power wheelchair in the corner.

‘’I barely use that.’’ Matt caught him looking.

‘’Yeah out of stubbornness.’’ Kelly said and Matt shrugged.

‘’I can’t deny that.’’

 The bed was covered with books on one side and Kelly picked one up.

‘’Engineering?’’

‘’Hey, got to spend my time somehow. I started an online course.’’ Matt shrugged as he sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling he was losing his balance.

‘’That is really amazing Matt, I am proud of you.’’ Kelly said and he meant it, glad Matt had found something to do with his time that wasn’t moping around or self-destructing.

‘’I am already behind on one course.’’ Matt said, although he thought he might fall behind soon anyway. His memory problems were making it harder and he figured eventually he’d have to give up.

‘’You can still easily catch up.’’ Kelly told him and Matt nodded just a bit.

‘’You want to stay for dinner?’’ Matt offered.

‘’Sounds good.’’ Kelly smiled, ‘’you need to tell me about that engineering course.’’

Making their way to the kitchen, Kelly looked through his fridge. Matt admitted he was not sure what was in there, as he didn’t do his own groceries.

‘’Don’t want to?’’ Kelly asked concerned.

‘’No, I’d have to get help anyway, keep forgetting groceries. Or the list.’’ Matt mumbled.

‘’So your studies-‘’

‘’I am having a hard time, but I am trying.’’ Matt just said. Kelly started making dinner with what was in the fridge. Matt talked a bit about the wheelchair basketball course he had joined. Kelly was glad that their break up the day after his first try had not tainted his fun in it. Kelly grabbed some plates, not surprised there were plastic.

‘’Only plastic plates.’’ Matt laughed. ‘’I dropped a fair share already.’’

Kelly put dinner on their plates and put it down in front of Matt.

‘’Looks great.’’

‘’I try.’’ Kelly smiled, glad to see Matt cheer up a bit.

‘’’Thanks for all your help today.’’ Matt said as well, six words Kelly had never expected to hear.

‘’You are welcome – it wasn’t fair to expect you to manage on your own after the break up, I should’ve reached out more.’’

‘’I got enough resources and money to help me, I just didn’t want to. I should’ve reached out too.’’ Matt admitted as he dug into the pasta. The tremors in his hands caused him to drop the food and his fork a few times. Even though Kelly didn’t say anything, he just was glad it didn’t stop Matt from eating.

‘’It’s pretty good.’’ Matt smiled.

‘’You weren’t there making dinner for me so I had to do it myself.’’ Kelly smiled, thinking back of the meals Matt used to make.

‘’Not really been making dinner in almost a year now.’’ Matt said as he dropped his fork again and it fell to the ground, Kelly quickly picking it up and handing him a new one.

After dinner, Matt wanted to help Kelly do the dishes, but after dropping everything in the sink multiple times, Kelly saw the weary look on his face and told him to sit down and rest.

‘’Should probably head to bed soon, pretty tired.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’Hey – ehm – do you want to meet up soon again? I can fix some things in your apartment.’’ Kelly offered as they were almost at the door.

‘’I would like that – even without you fixing my apartment.’’ Matt smiled.

‘’I’ll call you.’’

‘’Really?’’

‘’Really.’’ Kelly promised, so glad he had walked into the coffeeshop today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally brought them back together! At first I wanted to keep them apart a bit longer, but thought it was time for them to meet up again! I am really hoping you liked this chapter as I am not too sure about it! Please let me know what you think and hopefully till next chapter!


	19. A new beginning

Matt was by his desk, trying to study but he was a bit nervous, knowing that Kelly could arrive here any minute. Kelly had texted him this morning if he could come by.

It had stressed him out a she had not been able to shave or ask his carer for help, and wasn’t sure what Kelly would be thinking about his looks. But for now he was just happy that he was coming back. Opening the door as there was a knock, Kelly told him to get back.

Surprised Matt looked as Kelly came dragging in a large lounge chair.

‘’Kelly what the he-‘’

‘’It’s for you. Figured it might be nice for you. It’s super comfortable.’’ Kelly promised.

‘’You shouldn’t have.’’

‘’I did.’’ Kelly said as he positioned it close to the couch so it was still easy to watch the TV.

‘’Kel-‘’

‘’Don’t worry, I got it from the thrift shop. Went there to look at something for the firehouse but saw this – figured it might be nice for you.’’

‘’Thanks Kelly, you shouldn’t have.’’ Matt said again. He wanted to object again, but it was so nice of Kelly he didn’t want to seem ungrateful.

‘’There is more in the car, guessed we should make your apartment feel more like home.’’

Matt groaned for a second. It was still hard taking help from people, bus especially when he got it from the guy he broke up with, and he was still not sure of what relationship they were rebuilding.

‘’It’s nothing too much, just enjoy the new chair and I’ll grab it. ‘’ Kelly said as he rushed out of the door. Matt got up from the chair, struggling to walk to the window. Looking as Kelly was grabbing some more boxes from the truck, he felt bittersweet. Making this apartment feel more like home, while his home still felt like the apartment with Kelly, he knew this was also the reality situation as he was getting the help he needed here.

Kelly walked back in as Matt was back in his chair, handing him one of the boxes.

‘’No vases, candles and cushions I don’t want?’’

‘’No, just some stuff I know you will like.’’ Kelly promised him. Carefully Matt opened one of the boxes. Inside were some picture frames of the pictures he had most likely left at the apartment he had shared with Kelly. None of them together, just the ones of his life before he got with Kelly.

‘’Found a whole stash of your pictures. They were on the bottom of the wardrobe. Sorted them out for you, nice ones in frames and sorted the rest out in a book. Hope you didn’t mind, but figured you might like the happy memories around your apartment.’’

Matt wasn’t sure what to say. Lifting up one of the frames there was picture of him and Violet some years ago. Worried to drop it he put it back in the box.

‘’I just – I am sorry Matt if I went overboard. It just made me really sad to see you in this empty apartment.’’ Kelly admitted.

‘’Thank you, it’s really thoughtful.’’ Matt just said, not sure what else to say. He was grateful, but also knew that Kelly was right he had not made a life for himself here.

‘’What were you working on?’’ Kelly asked curious as he looked at all the papers and books on the desk.

‘’Part of my course. Failed my exam, gotta redo it.’’ Matt sighed.

‘’You’ll get it.’’ Kelly wanted to encourage him.

‘’Probably not. I do well with the essays and stuff but when I got to remember stuff for a test I mess up.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’Matt, you should be proud for even  trying, you are doing really well.’’ Kelly told him.

‘’Thanks.’’

Moving to the kitchen, they sat down by the table, Kelly making them some coffee as Matt was scared to spill the coffee everywhere, or worse over himself or Kelly.

Kelly was just about to hand him the mug – not fully filled – and Matt wanted to take it, his hand tremoring and it fell down on his other hand on the table.

‘’Shit, let you make the coffee and still-‘’ Matt said as Kelly rushed to his side, wet towel in hand wiping away the hot coffee.

‘’Sorry.’’

‘’Don’t be sorry, you okay?’’ Kelly asked concerned. Luckily the coffee had not been boiling hot but worried he inspected his hand.

‘’I think so.’’

Concerned, Kelly still grabbed a towel with an icepack, putting it around his hand.

‘’You didn’t deserve this.’’ Kelly just said, feeling bad that even these minor things kept going wrong for him.

‘’I didn’t cause the accident – that wasn’t my fault. But pushing you to the limit and messing up with you – that was my fault.’’

 

* * *

 

Kelly walked into the apartment with the key Matt had given him. He was surprised to see that Matt was not ready to go to the restaurant. Cautious he walked on to the bedroom, knocking on the door and opening it slowly.

Matt was on the bed, his face pale and looking tired. Looking up at Kelly, is eyes widened.

‘’Kelly I am so sorry.’’

‘’It’s okay.’’ Kelly said as he walked in, sure that he had not meant to forget.

‘’Today is a bad day, maybe we better go out for dinner some other time.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’So we order in.’’ Kelly said sternly. He felt Matt was pushing him away again, but he did not want it to happen again.

‘’If you are sure.’’ Matt said, not wanting to put the burden of one of his bad days on Kelly again.

‘’I am sure, just want to spend time with you.’’ Kelly promised him. Matt smiled, glad not to be alone. He was still scared that his bad days, or his temper would ruin what he and Kelly were rebuilding, but he was glad was not leaving him alone now.

‘’I think you should at least try to go outside today.’’ Kelly said. Even though Matt didn’t feel like it, he knew Kelly was right and soon he agreed to it.

‘’Yeah, we can pick up some take out.’’ Matt smiled. Kelly was glad that he seemed more positive and soon he was on the edge of the bed, Kelly putting on the socks on his twitching feet.

‘’Need a hand?’’ Kelly asked, not being able to look away from the large scar on his stomach from the emergency surgery.

‘’No, I am fine. Please don’t look at the scar.’’ Matt said sad, covering it with his hand.

‘’Matt-‘’

‘’Maybe just hand me a shirt Kelly – the one you gave me for Christmas.’’ Matt said as he looked away. Kelly searched through the wardrobe against the wall and handed it to him. Helping Matt in the wheelchair, they soon left for a walk – or well, for Kelly – while they were deciding on a restaurant. They settled for Italian and as they were in the park, Casey looking around at the people around, Kelly called through their order.

‘’Can pick it up in 20.’’

‘’Sounds good.’’ Matt smiled.

‘’I am really glad we are in contact again.’’ Kelly smiled then, glad that even though they were nowhere near the relationship they used to have before, they were in contact again. It made him feel stupid for not trying earlier.

‘’Feels like we never had a fair chance. First my depression and divorce – then the accident – the brain damage -  then more depression.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’I don’t know how things are going to go now, but I have a good feeling about it.’’ Kelly told him.

‘’So you want to try again?’’ Matt asked in disbelief.

‘’Yeah.’’ Kelly smiled, taking his hand.

‘’I’ll keep living here – you won’t have to deal with my poor health and you can just be my boyfriend – or just friend – but not worry about everything else.’’

‘’I like the sound of boyfriend again.’’ Kelly said, pinching his hand.

 

* * *

 

A few days later, Kelly walked through his apartment late at night. Matt was getting changed into his pajamas and Kelly walked to grab some water for the both of them.

It felt weird to Kelly. He was sharing the night with a man he knew so well, yet it was so strange.

Matt had grown a lot these last months they were apart. Even though Kelly helped him with some things, he was a lot less dependent.

Helping him sort out his medication as it required fine motor skills far above what Matt was able to do, even on a good day, he noticed one of the bottles.

‘’You still on antidepressants?’’ Kelly asked concerned.

‘’Yeah. I am.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’Matt-‘’

‘’They help, I guess.’’ Matt just said, not wanting to talk about it.

‘’As long as they help.’’ Kelly told him, not wanting to push Matt to talk about it anymore. He wanted to keep looking after Matt and be his carer, but knew that it was had pushed them apart. Instead he had to trust Matt and his carers looked after him.

Laying bed, Matt was shaking a bit, probably nervous. Kelly held him close. Wrapping his arms around him, it felt like they were one once again. Holdign each other close, they knew that the future wasn’t going to be easy. But both of them were happy to try again.

Neither of them knew what the future held, but they just hoped they could get through it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Know you are excited for this point of the story! They are going to give it another shot. i really couldn't keep them apart! Thank you so much for reading and hopefully till next chapter!


	20. Caring and cared for

Kelly walked into Matt’s apartment – even though he spend a fair amount of time there as well now, carrying the grocery bags in, Matt put the laptop aside and got up, his hand against the wall as he walked but walking after Kelly to the kitchen.

‘’Hey, good day?’’ Kelly smiled as he kissed Matt, glad to see him on his feet.

‘’Yeah, plus excited to see you.’’ Matt smiled.

‘’What were you working on?’’

‘’Helping out an old classmate from the CFD with some home renovation, looking at some pictures, helping him with what to do.’’ Matt said, shuffling over to the table then and sitting down as his legs were shaking.

‘’Sounds good, hungry?’’

‘’Not really.’’ Matt admitted. He had been feeling ill through the night and with all the medication he was on, it wasn’t seldom he skipped a meal. Kelly kept a close eye on him though and had even mentioned they had to fatten him up a bit.

‘’Well, you are eating anyway, brought your fave.’’ Kelly smiled as he held up the steak strips and the baby potatoes he was going to bake in the oven.

‘’Thanks, I appreciate it. Maybe I am a bit hungry.’’ Matt smiled. Kelly noticed the greasy spots on his glasses and took them, before Matt could ask.

Cleaning his glasses for him, he handed them back.

‘’Was worried I’d drop them.’’ Matt smiled appreciative.

‘’Still think they look good on you.’’ Kelly smiled, Matt putting them back on.

‘’They’re growing on me.’’ He said with a wry smile. Even after half a year he didn’t recognize himself in the mirror, the glasses, the beard he constantly grew since he couldn’t shave himself properly and his sunken features.

‘’How late is your test tomorrow?’’ Kelly enquired as he was firing up the pan for the steak strips.

‘’At 10.’’ Matt answered after thinking for a second. ‘’The schedule is on the fridge if you want to check.’’

‘’I believe you, I’ll bring you there tomorrow, so you don’t have to be as nervous.’’ Kelly promised and Matt nodded grateful.

‘’It’s good you believe me – I keep doubting myself about being right.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’Think you are going to make it?’’

‘’No.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’Wanna look over it tonight?’’

‘’You don’t mind?’’ Matt asked concerned, worried that he would bore Kelly with all the theory.

‘’Ofcourse we can work it over. I’d love to look at it with you.’’ Kelly assured him.

‘’I have an appointment at the hospital after the test – you don’t need to take me but –‘’

‘’Kidding me? Of course I’ll go with you.’’ Kelly said, walking away from the food for a second and kissing Matt. Matt went to take his medication as Kelly was finishing up dinner and setting the table. Looking as Matt staggered to the hallway, Kelly put the plates on the table, going to check on him as it was taking a long time.

‘’Matt?’ Kelly asked, walking into the bathroom, finding Matt sitting on the edge of the bath, looking in pain.

‘’Back is spasming bad.’’ Matt groaned.

‘’Why didn’t you say so, could’ve grabbed your medication.’’ Kelly said concerned.

‘’Figured it might help if I walked.’’ Matt groaned as Kelly carefully helped him back on his feet, grabbing the wheelchair from the bedroom and helping him sit down.

‘’I got you.’’

‘’Sorry-‘’

‘’No need to say sorry.’’ Kelly kissed him, holding his hand.

‘’Something I can do about your back?’’

‘’Nah, it’ll settle down.’’ Matt said, sounding more hopeful than sure. Kelly pushed the wheelchair to the kitchen. Kelly looked as Matt was struggling eating, the muscles in his back contracting equally messed with the muscles in his arms and hands.

Kelly got one of his carers, whom sorted out medication to help relax Matt’s muscles, Matt was soon on the couch, a bit more comfortable.

Kelly made sure he ate enough, even feeding him some more of the food as the medication caused the muscles in his hands to have even less power, not listening to Matt’s objections until Matt gave up, eating what Kelly provided him with.

‘’Want me to read the stuff for your test tomorrow?’’

‘’You sure, it’s boring.’’ Matt warned him as Kelly switched on the heating pad for him, putting a blanket over him and laying his hands under the blanket over him as well, worried they would get cold.

‘’Something you care about is never boring.’’ ‘Kelly told him, picking up one of the books. Reading slowly, he took some more notes for Matt, Matt looking upset he had to help him. But Matt did seem excited to hear about all the stuff, listening to Kelly and telling him when to mark something down.

‘’Alright, let’s take a break, will get you something to drink.’’ Kelly got up as he finished the chapter, kissing Matt on his cheek.

‘’Can you get me some water?’’ Matt asked, Kelly nodding, grabbing some drinks, he sat down with Matt again.

‘’How are you going to do it tomorrow?’’ Kelly asked concerned.

‘’Hope I can write tomorrow, if not I might as well give up.’’ Matt sighed.

Practicing some more of the questions, Kelly said they should call it a night. Matt was looking more and more tired and Kelly hoped some proper rest would help him with the test tomorrow.

 

* * *

 

 

Kelly dropped of Matt at the test location. Going to run some errands, he was nervous about how he was going to find Matt after the test. He knew that if Matt was not going to make the test this time, he would be crushed.

They had gone over the notes again this morning and luckily the medication had worn off, and Matt was able to hold a pen.

Picking him up after the test, Matt wasn’t too positive though and wouldn’t say anything as Kelly drove to the hospital. He enquired with Matt what he had to go to the hospital for, but Matt didn’t want to tell him. Kelly decided he could ask him after, not wanting to upset Matt.

Taking him back to the car after, he tried again, instead Matt interrupted him to apologize for having to help him into the car and drive him.

‘’Matt, I don’t care.’’ Kelly said as he waited before driving away, holding his hand. ‘’Look, we hit a really rough patch and it was because I wasn’t able to keep caring for you fulltime – but I feel a lot of pressure has been taken of me cause of your carers, and I can still look after you besides that. Please don’t apologize every time I do something for you. I love you and I do it – gladly.’’

‘’Okay.’’ Matt smiled, Kelly kissing him. Driving to Matt’s apartment, Kelly couldn’t stop probing about the appointment he had just driven Matt to.

‘’Brain scan, just to see if  everything is alright.’’ Matt finally admitted.

‘’Something to be concerned about?’’ Kelly asked worried.

‘’No – just – I feel I am really struggling with day to day things and I am not sure if I have really gotten worse, or if this is just the way it is.’’

‘’’Oh babe.’’

‘’It’s alright, I think I didn’t get worse, I just struggle accepting it.’’ Matt looked tired.

‘’It’s not fair.’’

‘’Can’t change it.’’

Parking the car, Matt got out of the car himself, holding the car as he walked around it as Kelly got his chair.

‘’Am alright.’’ Matt said as he walked with Kelly, holding on to him.

‘’When do your see your neurologist about the scan?’’ Kelly asked as they got inside, Matt slumping down on the couch.

‘’Next week.’’

‘’I’ll go with you.’’ Kelly said as he sat down beside him.

‘’Really? I don’t wanna overwhe-‘’

‘’I will.’’ Kelly promised, holding him and kissing him on his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter done! Wanted to explore a bit more how things are working between them now but also will go into much more dept about that in future chapters! I hope you liked it, please let me know what you thought and hopefully till next chapter!


	21. Plateau

Walking into the apartment, Kelly smiled as Matt was in the chair he had gotten him a few weeks ago, looking peacefully asleep. His hands in his lap and his head sideways and snoring softly.

It reminded him of the times Matt would fall asleep after their shift after claiming he wasn’t tired at all.

‘’Matt?’’ Kelly carefully shook his shoulder as they would need to head to the hospital soon, and Matt was still in his pajamas.

Opening his eyes, Matt looked confused, but smiled as he saw Kelly. Sharing a kiss, Kelly wasn’t sure if he had remembered the appointment they had to go to.

‘’Don’t think I have anything for breakfast.’’

‘’Matt, we need to head to the hospital for your appointment.’’

‘’I forgot.’’ Matt sighed.

‘’Happens to the best of us.’’ Kelly told him, not wanting him to feel bad about it. Helping Matt walk to the bedroom, he was soon on the edge of the bed, Kelly helping him undress.

‘’Rather keep those fuzzy socks on.’’ Matt joked as Kelly was getting them off for him, Matt hardly being able to reach them because of his back.

‘’I wouldn’t judge you.’’ Kelly winked at him.

Dressed and all, they were soon in the car towards the hospital. Kelly drove by a drive through, picking up some breakfast for the both of them.

‘’I am not really hungry.’’ Matt said as Kelly put the smoothie in the drink holder beside him and handed him the sandwich.

‘’Gotta eat Matt, not taking you out to the mall again to get another jeans size smaller.’’ Kelly said, although he meant it. He had gone down almost three sizes since the accident, and Kelly was sure it would be more if him and the carers wouldn’t keep telling Matt to keep eating.

‘’Bit nervous.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’About what?’’

‘’Just – what the doctor is gonna say. Starting to feel frustrated how my head is such a mess, while I am working so hard. Hope they found something and it’s something that can get better.’’

Feeling bad, as Kelly knew Matt was holding on to something that is probably not going to happen, he hoped that in the hospital they would get better news.

A while later, they sat with the neurologist, showing Matt the scans they had made last week.

‘’So the scans – did the damage get worse?’’

‘’It has not gotten worse Matt, no reason it would be.’’ The neurologist said. Looking down at the scans, Matt wished there was something on there, explaining why he was struggling so much lately.

Kelly looked at the scans, at the small specks, the same small specks on the scan before. The damage the driver had done with one stupid mistake.

‘’You have been getting better for the past few months, but your recovery has hit a wall now. It is not strange to feel like this. Just remember that you are doing well.’’

‘’So it won’t get better?’’

‘’Probably not. The damage that has been done, has been done, what you could regain you have regained. It could be a plateau, but with the time passed….’’ The neurologist explained.

Kelly’s fist balled. It infuriated him that Matt had all of this done to him by one careless driver. Even though he had regained so much, it was hard to see Matt upset with the little progress he was still making.

‘’Thanks doc.’’ Matt just said, getting up, his legs shaking. Surprised Kelly looked as he made his way out of the room.

Kelly thanked the doctor, walking to the hallway were Matt was sitting on one of the benches, his head on his hands.

‘’You okay.’’

‘’Guess so.’’ Matt mumbled softly.

Walking to the car, Kelly wasn’t sure what to say to Matt. He was glad to hear that Matt was not getting worse, but he got where Matt was coming from. That he had to accept that this was the way it was.

‘’You went grocery shopping on your own last week, you did great. I get it is infuriating that the studies aren’t working out, but it wouldn’t for many of us. Hell, I couldn’t do it.’’ Kelly tried to explain to him.

‘’So I need to be happy I can hold a list and get all the items in my trolley, how is that fair?’’ Matt sighed.

‘’It isn’t, it never was.’’ Kelly answered. Quiet, Matt looked out of the window.

‘’You did get a lot better, you are just hitting a plateau now.’’ Kelly took his hand. At home, Kelly made dinner for the both of them, Matt taking a bath.

A bit more relaxed, they laid down on the couch, watching a movie together.

Later, at the table, Kelly looked as Matt was poking his fork around the food. His hands were shaking again and Kelly laid his hand over Matt’s right hand.

‘’It’s okay to be upset. I’d say you have been coping great and even are now.’’

‘’I am just angry cause I hoped there was reason I am not getting better anymore. Something that could be fixed so one day we could move back in together – and I could take care of myself.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’I can understand that.’’ Kelly caressed his hand, Matt giving him a small smile.

‘’How about we drop by Molly’s tonight? Get your mind of things.’’ Kelly asked and Matt smiled again.

‘’Yeah, I need to get out.’’ Matt agreed. He was having a fairly decent day, besides his emotional state so he knew he should get out while it lasted.

They took a taxi there, Kelly promising he wouldn’t drink too much though and they held hands as they walked inside.

Nobody dared to ask if they were back together, but Kelly lovingly holding Matt’s hand said it all as they walked inside. Matt walked slowly, having to focus on every step.

Kelly had never told the firehouse he and Matt were back together, but some people had a feeling they were as he always with the blonde when he was not on shift.

Sitting down in one of the boots as Matt couldn’t get up on one of the stools – Kelly being way too worried he would fall off – Kelly went to get some drinks, Cruz, Boden and Herrmann joining them.

‘’Good to have you back here, you are welcome any time.’’ Boden said to Matt, as he had not seen him in almost three months.

‘’I know, but I have the life of an old man now.’’ Matt joked, feeling welcome though.

Kelly came walking back with a pint of beer for himself and a bottle of IPA for Matt, as the bottle was easier to hold. He had already taken a sip out of it as well so that it was not too full for Matt.

He was planning on only drinking the one tonight, still feeling about getting so drunk on new year’s he had caused Matt to get really bad spasms.

‘’It’s good you two are back together again. You need each other, and you are good together.’’ Herrmann blurted out.

‘’I am really happy he saw the light.’’ Kelly teased Matt, Matt looking away for a second as Kelly had actually broken up with him.

‘’Tell them about your studies.’’ Kelly said excited as he saw Matt looking away.

‘’You are studying?’’ Cruz asked surprised, but interested.

‘’It’s nothing, it is not going so well.’’ Matt shrugged. ‘’I started but it’s too hard. Might drop out soon.’’

‘’What are you studying?’’

‘’Engineering. Figured my constructing background might help but my brain isn’t helping. Can’t often remember the easiest of things, so remembering all the coursework is even harder.’’  Matt admitted, drinking some of his beer.

Kelly looked as the man across from them looked away, not sure how to react to it. Many knew the physical damage Matt had sustained in the crash, having barely control over his body on an average day, but not many knew about the rest of the damage from the accident.

They didn’t go home that late, Kelly feeling bad as they made their way home. Matt didn’t say a word from the door of Molly’s to the time he sat on the edge of his bed.

‘’Kel – if I am not getting better now that I hit this plateau, will we be okay?’’ Matt blurted out, Kelly stopping with getting Matt’s shoes off.

‘’Ofcourse we will.’’ Kelly said as he got up, kissing Matt on his forehead, his hands still in his neck as he looked at his concerned boyfriend.

‘’I just wonder what our life would be like if I had not driven down that street that night, or been 1 minute later. We might have been married now. Now we aren’t even living together anymore.’’ Matt said, tears welling up in his eyes.

‘’Matt, we can look at that in the future.’’ Kelly promised, Matt starting to bawl now. Wrapping his arms around and pulling Matt against him, Kelly joined him on the bed.

‘’I love you so, so, so much Matt.’’ Kelly said softly, kissing him on top of head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got this chapter done! It's been in the works long and I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks so much for reading!


End file.
